President Obama just signed a law banning mobile phones in prisons. Well there goes about half of my followers

Fox News reports that President Obama rapped his oath in Arabic while cutting the head off a goat.

I think it's weird how President Obama appointed George Clooney Secretary Of Handsome. #DNC

PRESIDENT OBAMA: I pardon this turkey- TURKEY: Nope. I'm ready. 2016 was a shit show. Kill me now