New York City Jokes

Irish men at a pub Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City and both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and asks, ""So where are you from?"" ""I'm from Ireland."" ""Me too! I'll drink to that."" They both finish their pints and order two more. ""Where in Ireland are you from?"" ""Dublin."" ""Me too! I'll drink to that."" They both finish their pints and order two more. ""Where in Dublin are you from?"" ""The East Side."" ""The East Side? …

Another nun joke Two girls who had been left on the doorstep of convent of cloistered nuns. The girls were shielded from the outside world and when they were old enough, the chose to become nuns. The Mother Superior said that both girls had to spend six months as novitiates in the outside world before taking their vows. The novitiates were sent to New York City where they saw all manner of different people and strange customs. One of the girls said to the other, sister, I understand that they ea…

A priest and a nun were visiting from Ireland to New York City one day... And heard that in the US they eat dogs. The two decided that ""when in Rome"", so they took it upon themselves to find this cousine to sample. They were strolling through central park and heard someone yelling "" dogs here, get yer dogs!"" And found a hot dog cart vendor. They both ordered one each and sat down at a park bench to eat them. The nun unwrapped her dog first and took a look, then turned to the priest and asked…

A Scotsman Visits his Pen Pal in New York City... and they decide to catch a Yankee's game. Now, the Scotsman was unlearned in the rules and dynamics of America's past time, so his friend took it upon himself to preach the religion of baseball. The first batter pops a fly out to center field. ""Now, you see there? How the outfielder just caught the ball? That means that the batter is out."" ""Aye, that is sensible,"" says the foreigner. The second batter goes up to the plate. The pitcher walks h…

Who doesn't enjoy a blonde joke A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's pr…

Blonde Joke A blonde fellow from New York City traveled to a Texas ""Dude Ranch"" on his vacation so he could experience the adventures of the wild, wild west. His first morning there, the cowboy preparing his horse took one look at the dandified city slicker and asked if he wanted a Western or English saddle. ""What's the difference?"" the fellow asked. ""The western saddle has a horn and the English saddle doesn't."" The New Yorker ran his fingers through his blonde hair. ""The one without the…

Got these off a Laffy Taffy Kristine O., New Bedford, MA Where does Scrooge go to in New York City? The Grumpire State Building! Sandra M., Dekalb, IL (And this one doesn't even make any sense) What did the cake say to the candle? You're burning my back. Why does Laffy Taffy allow these kids to write jokes?

On my latest trip through New England I was really impressed with New York City but Boston just blew me away

Did you hear the founders of New York City were Jewish..... Who else can buy the most valuable land in the world for 26 seashells.

You probably didn't hear about the power outage in New York City... I think the news should have shed more light on it.

A Blonde Goes to the Bank A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president …

smart blonde joke A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president a…

NASA just released a statement that on Dec.21 at 4:30PM, it will start to get dark in New York City. They're calling it ""sunset"".

blonde joke 1. four sailor girls have tried to rebuild a titanic. unfortunetely, they crash on an island. the first, being a normal redhead, is an exellent swimmer. she makes it all the way to new york city in just an hour. the second one, a ginger, swims one quarter of the way but drowns. the third, a brunnette, swims about 1 quarter of the way but realizes she too could drown and swims back to the island, deciding eventually she'll try to go back when she is more skilled. the last one, a blond…

Pouring rain, New York City. A drunk hails a cab. Cabbie rolls down the windo, the drunk man says ""hey mister, do you gave room for half a chicken and a six-pack in here""? Annoyed, the cabbie says ""sure"" the drunk says BLUGHHHHHH

What a dumb blonde... wait... *Blonde goes into a bank Blonde: I need a loan for $5,000. Bank-teller: We'll need some sort of deposit. Blonde: Ok, here's the keys to my car (Mercedes-Benz S600) *Blonde leaves Bank-teller(laughing): She's so stupid! Leaving a $100,000 car as a deposit for a $5,000 loan. *Bank-teller parks car in secret underground parking garage. Then he does research on the blonde and finds out she's a multimillionaire. Bank-teller: She's an idiot! Why would she borrow $5,000 if…

City Life The Colonel's only daughter was the most important person in his world, and he'd protected her fiercely her entire seventeen years. But when Belle asked for an all-expense-paid two-week shopping spree in New York City for her eighteenth birthday, well, hell, the Colonel couldn't say no to his little Georgia peach. When Belle returned from her birthday getaway, she invited twelve of her closest friends to the manse so she could show off the treasures she'd scored. In the midst of modeli…

The Wasp who Won America's Heart (shaggy dog) Deep in the wasp swamps of the wasp Florida keys, there lived a young wasp. Just as a proper wasp does, this wasp worked day and night for the hive. He worked and slaved and gave his all - but this wasp was no regular wasp, for within him was the ambition and the wisdom of a great, great wasp. So, with a tearful goodbye to his wasp coworkers, his wasp friends and his wasp parents (normal, hard working waspfolk with traditional wasp morals and a burni…

The new ""Godzilla"" movie opened worldwide yesterday. They say New York City could survive a Godzilla attack. Seriously? It takes five cops to handle Alec Baldwin when he's riding his bike the wrong way

Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat they are wandering around New York City seeing the sights. As lunch time approaches they decide they are hungry. They then come up to a street vendor selling hot dogs. One says to the other in a shocked tone, ""My God. Do they eat dogs in America?"" ""I don't know!"" says the other, equally appalled. ""Well,"" says the first, ""we're going to be Americans, so we must do as they do."" They approach the vendor bravely. ""Two hot dogs, …

Q: Why did Ebenezer Scrooge go to New York City? A: To see the Grumpire State Building.

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, ""Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!"" The passerby says, ""You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."" The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ""Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ."" The person says, ""I not American, I Vietnamese…

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the gentleman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and …

There are many stories related to the sinking of the ""Titanic."" Some have just come to light due to the success of the recent movie. For example, most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The ""Titanic"" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate at the lo…

Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted to heaven. St. Peter asks the first man his name, where he is from, and what he did in life. The man answers that he is John Smith and that he was a taxi driver in New York City. St. Peter looks through his book, then gives the man a luxurious silken robe and a golden staff, and bids him welcome into heaven for his eternal reward. St. Peter then asks the second man the same questions. He repl…