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Mom's birthday gifts 3 guys, who were brothers, were all discussing what gifts they were getting for their elderly mother for her birthday. The first brother, named Michael, said, "I bought mom her very own Lexus and chauffeur. She was always complaining about not being able to drive well." Jeremy, the second brother, said,"Well I bought mom a penthouse apartment. She always complains about the house she lives in." Lucas, the third brother, said, "Since mom always complains about not being

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Proper Manners During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll

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Another hunting joke, doesn't involve tracks. Did some searching and did not see this one posted. A group of hunters goes out for their annual deer hunt. There's like 10 friends and they all get together the same weekend every year to fill their deer tags. They arrive Friday night at the campground and tie one on - tis tradition after all. Jeffy drinks way too much and cannot even walk the next morning. He's so hung over the boys have to help him out of his sleeping bag. So the group says, "alr

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Washington State God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired, 'Where have you been?' God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, 'Look, Michael. Look what I've made.' Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, 'What is it?' 'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance.' 'Balance?' inquired Michael, 'I'm still c

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Inside a supermarket, a woman spots........ a grandfather and his poorly behaved three-yearold grandson. “Easy, Billy,” says grandfather calmly. “We won’t be long.” In the cookie aisle, the woman hears the kid whining some more, “I want cookies! Gimme cookies!” It’s OK Billy, just a couple more minutes, and we’ll be out of here. Just hang on; you’re doing great,” says the grandfather. At the check out, the kid screams, “CANDY! I want candy!” Billy, Billy, relax, pal. Don

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The Polite Way to Pee  a friend sent this to me on whatsapp today. During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"  Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'  The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite' What about you Sherman, how would you say it?' Sherman said:

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The beard (no, not that, an actual beard) A married man was visiting his girlfriend when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face." James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would hate me." "Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again. "Oh really, I can't," he replies. "My wife loves this beard!" The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls in

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The Polite Way to Pee During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: 'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her you have to go to the bathroom?' Michael said: 'Excuse me,I need to pee.' The teacher responded: 'That would be quite impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it? Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 'That

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The Wooden-Legged Pig Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend's door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he asked, "Fred, how'd that pig get him a wooden leg?" "Well, Michael, that's a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!" "And the boar tore up his leg?" "No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had tha

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A Marine received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home... It read as follows: --- *Michael*, *I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.* *Love, Elizabeth* *P.S. Please return the picture you have of me* --- The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters,

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A man on his death bed requested his wife, 3 sons, his nurse and a camera to be set up to record his final moments. Which were as follows... "To my son David, I leave the 2 blocks of flats in the East end of London," "To my other son Michael , I leave the 4 penthouse's in Chelsea," "and finally to my eldest son Kevin, I leave the big glass building near tower bridge". With that he slipped away. The nurse turned to the wife and said "I never realised your husband was so wealthy, you and your son

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Two Christians are lost in an Arabian desert David and Michael were going on a safari where they got lost and their car stopped working, they started wondering throughout the desert. With food and water supply almost ending and no reception anywhere they were desperately looking for help. After a very long time in the heat of the desert and almost dying from thirst they finally see a mosque far away. They start discussing among each other. David: I'll pretend my name is Mohammed so they will gi

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While teaching a class A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back." "That’s bett

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A teacher in class, A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back." "That’s be

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An old dying man invites 3 of his friends to his deathbed and asks a favor... He says, "We've been as brothers for longer than I can remember, and while I was not rich in life, I would like to bring some wealth with me as I die. If you could each leave $5,000 in my coffin, it would bring me great peace." The three men saw no fault in this, as they were all very rich, and all upstanding members of their respective communities. Jim was a devout, aging Catholic, and he brought the five thousand

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Mama's Bible Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers. One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida . The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama." The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house." The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her." The fourth said, "You know how Mam

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A guy dies and arrives at the pearly gates... He approaches St. Peter at the gates. As he walks up, he can hear a cacophony of beautiful music. While all the songs are different, he can pick out each one, and the music all seems to blend together perfectly. In one area, he can hear Purple Rain playing, and it sounds perfect and beautiful. "Wait Peter, is that Prince??" Peter smiles and says "yes! He plays for us 24/7 here in the kingdom of heaven." The guy is elated. He hears an incredible

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A mathematician leaves a conference only to find that the last train has gone. Being a devout Christian, he falls to his knees and prays: "God, if it lies within your will, please send me a way to get home tonight!". To his astonishment, there is a swirl of ethereal music, and an angel descends from the clouds, and moments later a shiny black Audi appears where it wasn't before. "Hail, thou who has found favour with the Lord!" proclaims the angel. "Here is your way home" - and the angel hands

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Can you find my wife? Husband: My wife is missing. She went out yesterday and has not come home... Sergeant at Garda Station: What is her height? Husband: Ara jaysus, I'm not sure. About 5 or 6 feet. Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. Middling. Sergeant: Colour of eyes? Husband: Sort of browny bluey green I think. Never really noticed. Sergeant: Colour of hair? Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember. Sergeant: What

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A detective was once called to a farm in rural Tennessee to investigate a murder. [OC] Upon arriving, he asked the farmer what had happened. “Well” the farmer said, “I was working in my barn, replacing the oil filter on the tractor when I heard somebody scream, then a loud ‘wham’, and then silence. I rushed outside and saw my farmhand, dead in the middle of the yard, with a pool of blood forming around his head” “Hmmm” said the detective, “any witnesses who might have seen what happened?” “T

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The Correct Way to Pee .. The Polite Way to Pee During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite' What about you Sherman, how would you say it?' Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I

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