Milton Jokes

Sorry about your street cred, black guys named Milton.

I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU Milton came into his wife's room one day. ""If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me?"" he asked. ""Darling, I'll always love you,"" she said calmly, filing her nails. ""How about if I became impotent and couldn't make love to you any more?"" he asked anxiously. ""Don't worry, darling, I'll always love you,"" she told him, buffing her nails. ""Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?"" Milton went on, ""What if I weren't pulling in six figures any morew…

Four Jewish brothers left home for college: one became a lawyer, one a doctor, one a hedge find operator, and one a retailer. They all prospered. Some years later, chatting after a Chanukah dinner, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother. The first said, ""I had a big house built for Mama."" The second said, ""I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."" The third said, ""I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her a 600SL with a chauffeur."" Th…

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city. The first said, ""I had a big house built for Mama."" The second said, "" I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."" The third said, ""I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."" The fourth said, ""You know h…

Four Jewish brothers Four Jewish brothers left home for college: one became a lawyer, one a doctor, one a hedge find operator, and one a retailer. They all prospered.  Some years later, chatting after a Chanukah dinner, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother. The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."  The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."  The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her a 600SL with a…

Mama's Bible Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers. One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida . The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama." The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house." The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her." The fourth said, "You know how Mam…

As a judge… …I was sentencing criminal defendants when I saw a vaguely familiar face. I reviewed his record and found that the man was a career criminal, except for a five-year period in which there were no convictions. "Milton," I asked, puzzled, "how is it you were able to stay out of trouble for those five years?" "I was in prison," he answered. "You should know that—you were the one who sent me there." "That's not possible," I said. "I wasn't even a judge then." "No, you weren't the…

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church …