Michael Jokes

Michael Brown's family just wants their voices to be heard. They are tired of being shot down.

When is it time to go to bed at Michael Jackson's house? When the big hand touches the little hand.

The Polite Way to Pee . . . During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Michael said: Just a minute I have to go pee. The teacher responded by saying: That would be rude and impolite. What about you, Sherman, how would you say it? Sherman said: I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I…

When watching Michael Jackson's coffin being pushed away by the Jackson Brothers, was anybody else reminded of those two words... Cool Runnings.

This is a joke I heard back in 2000 George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. The first kid said, ""I want to go to Disneyland."" George said, ""No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One"". The second kid said, ""I want a new pair of…

Northerners Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day, resting. He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?' God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?' 'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.' 'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused.God explained, pointing do…

Three sons were getting birthday presents for their dad, who was getting up there in years. After they had all chosen said presents they met to discuss what they had gotten him. The first one, Michael said ""I got dad a new hunting dog because his last one was losing its sense of smell."" The second one, Jim said ""I got dad a set of golf clubs because his old ones were getting worn."" The final son, Tyler said ""I got dad a specially trained parrot to read for him because his eyes are weak. It …

On the day of Michael Jackson's death The two paramedics arrive at Neverland Ranch to find Michael unconscious and not breathing. The rookie says to the veteran ""What should we try first?"" ""I reckon the roller coaster.""

A fine wine The Navajo woman accepted my offer of a lift to the reservation, but didn't seem inclined to say much more. I noticed a look of ill-disguised disapproval as she got in the car, lingering for a moment on my exposed cleavage, but that was all she gazed stonily ahead while the car pulled away, leaving a trail of hot Nevada dust in the rear view mirror. After a few failed attempts at small talk, and my knowledge of her culture exhausted, I kept quiet, and concentrated instead on the eve…

Chuck Norris did that to Michael Jackson's face.

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city. The first said, ""I had a big house built for Mama."" The second said, "" I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."" The third said, ""I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."" The fourth said, ""You know h…

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which…

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. ""Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, ""And there's the teacher; ...she's dead.""

Borrowing Our four children, always on the go, frequently communicate with each other by leaving notes around the house telling where they've gone, what they're doing, or whatever. Recently, we came across the following written exchange between Michael, 18, and Steve, his 12-year-old brother: ""Steve--borrowed your hairbrush. I'll return it when I get back. If you need one, mine is in Mom's car (which is why I had to borrow yours). --Mike"" Steve's response, written on the same note was: ""Mike-…

Adventures During one ""generation gap"" quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, ""I want excitement, adventure, money and beautiful women. I'll never find it here, so, I'm leaving. Don't try to stop me."" With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed him close behind. ""Didn't you hear what I said, ""I don't want you to try to stop me."" ""Who's trying to stop you, ""replied the father. ""If you wait a minute, I'll go with you.""

The children had all been photographed and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. ""Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer' or 'That's Michael he's a doctor.'"" A small voice from the back of the room rang out ""And there's the teacher; she's still old nasty and wrinkled""

It seems three Irishmen Sean Michael and Tim passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates they were met by ST. Patrick himself and he addressed the boys thusly: ""Lads I'm here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing when you go through these gates don't step on any of the ducks or you'll be punished for eternity. Sean went in first and was amazed to see that the entire ladscape was encompassed by ducks and try as he might sure enough h…

Two Irishmen were walking down the street with two salmon each under their arms. Two other Irishmen walking in the opposite direction see the two lucky fishermen and ask "" how did you catch those ?"" Well its like this! Michael here holds my legs over the bridge and I grab the salmon as they swim up the river. We got four salmon A great days fishing! So the fishless pair look at each other and agree to give it a try. They get to the bridge and Sean calls to his friend ""hold my legs now Pa…

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven God went missing for seven days. Eventually Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God ""Where were you?"". God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; look my child look what I've just finished making. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said what is it? God replied ""its another planet but this time I' ve decided to put LIFE on it. I've named it earth and there's going to be a balance between ever…

Q: What's brown and in a baby's diaper? A: Michael Jackson's hand !!

Michael Jackson Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela are in an airplane with 20 kids. The airplane gets a failure and is doomed to crash. The plane has only 20 parachutes. Nelson Mandela as a great humanitarian says that children should have them. Bill Clinton gets panicky and shouts ""SCREW THE CHILDREN!!"" Michael Jackson's face lights up and he shouts ""YES YES!! But do we have enough time?""

""Please ma'am! How do you spell ichael?"" The teacher was rather bewildered. ""Don't you mean Michael?"" she asked. ""No ma'am. I've written the 'M' already.""

Ryanair's Micheal O'Leary arrives in a hotel bar... Ryanair's Micheal O'Leary arrives in a hotel in Dublin, he goes to the bar and asks for a pint of draught Guinness. The barman nodded and said, "That will be one Euro please, Mr. O'Leary." Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money. "Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday evening from 6 until 8. We have the cheapest beer in Ir…

Gentleman's way "Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the restroom?" the teacher asked. "Just a minute, I have to go pee," he said. The teacher replied, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you, Paul, how would you say it?" "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very mannerly to say the word 'bathroom' at the table."…

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out." My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out." I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs. I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.