Italy Jokes

Trip to the aquarium joke The other week I was in the aquarium having a whale of a time (pardon the pun). I saw sea horses, sharks, turtles, the whole shebang. But I couldn't wait to get to my favourite creature. I don't know why but I've always been fascinated by eels. I did a project on them in primary school and since then they've just stuck with me. I can name every single breed of them without even trying. So I get to the eel section which is crowded beyond belief. I mean I love eels but mo…

My friend said to me, ""I'm going to dress up as an island near the bottom of Italy"" I said ""Don't be so silly.""

Bon voyage... A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean; but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. ""You have so much to live for,"" said the man. ""I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."" With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy…

A man is on business in Italy... A man is on business in Italy and in between meetings one day he decides to go to lunch at a restaurant nearby. While he is walking down the street he sees a sign that says come in and try our bull fight special. The man walks in the restaurant and orders the bull fight special, a few minutes later he's served a giant plate of pasta with two giant meatballs on top. The next day after his meeting he goes back to the restaurant and orders the bull fight special aga…

the selfie stick has been re-named to The narcissism Pole. thought of this one while I was in italy with my family and I saw them EVERYWHERE...... credit for reminding me of the joke goes out to esoteric42.

Spaghetti! A doctor had a fling with his nurse. A few months later she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse some money and told her to go to Italy and have the baby there. ''How will I let you know the baby is born?'', she asked. '' Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back....I'll take care of expenses''.Not knowing what else to do the nurse took the money and flew to Italy. Six months later the doctors wife phoned her husband and explained …

So apparently the 1918 Flu pandemic started in Italy... The king of Italy was talking to Mussolini one day and said, ""Benito, I think-a we need-a to get-a more-a influence-a in the world."" It was a simple misunderstanding.

A new ISIS cell has been discovered in Italy They will be called Italian ices

Time flies in Italy.... ...Everywhere you look, another Dago's by.....

What do you call a sketchy place in Italy? The ""spaghetto""

WHO IS JACK SCHITT? For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie …

Government officials have released a report including satellite images of secret ISIS training facilities Iocated in Italy That's right.....Italian ISIS

Geek Joke If you look at the history of Europe, you'll note that Germany has invaded France a number of times. It has been speculated that because the Franks originally came from Germany, the Germans are simply trying to get their own back. You could say the same about Italy invading France, since it was once a Roman Provence. But that would take a lot of Gaul.

Three guys are kidnapped and stuffed in a van blindfolded, without knowing where they are. The van has an open window, and so, one of the guys moves closer to the window and says :""Hey guys, I think we are in Italy, I smell pizza"". The second guy moves closer to the window and says :""No man, we are in Mexico, I can smell the tacos"". The third guy goes like :""We are in New York, you morons"". The other two men ask : ""How do you know that for sure?"" The third guy answers : ""I put my hand o…

Must be told in a horrible, thick Italian accent So I heard this joke a couple of years ago, I think it's much older than that though. Read it out loud in a very bad, thick Italian accent. So, Vincenzo, my cousin in America invites me to stay with him, so I say, 'Okay, I'va never been to America, I'ma come over. I get offa da plane and I'ma hungry. I go down to a breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She bring me only one piss. I tell her I wanna two pisses. She say go to the…

Map jokes How do you get around in Italy? You Rome. Why does everyone love Thailand? They Bangkok. I Congo to Africa, Kenya? Why do the French take there time? They hate to Russia What's the unhappiest state? Misery Who are the unhappiest Europeans? The Hungary ones. Why are the so many Subway's in India? Because it's the New Delhi capitol of the world. Why does Russia have so many Latino immigrants. Because they have Mas Cow. Where can you eat of the floor. Where they Florence. FEEL FREE TO ADD…

Now you know Jack Schitt. For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ""You don't know Jack Schitt!"" Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Miss O. Needeep They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Ful…

Funeral director joke A man died one day and his wife went to the funeral home to make the necessary arrangements. The funeral home director asked her if there's anything she thinks her husband would have wished for his funeral. ""Actually there is something"", she said. ""We've always had this plan that one day we'll travel together to Italy and he would get one of those beautiful custom tailored black silk suits that only the best tailors from Milan can make. Since he was always busy and we ne…

On a dark and stormy night... ...a comet flies past Earth. This comet was enchanted, and after it flew past the world, it caused all statues to come to life, solely focused on destroying every country in the world. No nation was left safe from this attack. The gargoyles attacked France. The Statue of Liberty led a revolt against America. Michelangelo's David led the charge towards Italy. As the war of human versus statue waged on, a group went into the United Kingdom, led by the Venus de Milo, i…

An Italian Boy Falls In Love With An American Girl A young Italian man immigrates to America. After a while, he writes to his mother in Italy: ""Mama, I have met an American girl. I love her and I want to marry her."" His mother immediately writes back: ""My son, please do not marry an American girl. An American girl cannot cook as good as an Italian girl. An American girl cannot keep house as good as an Italian girl. And every time you fight, she will call you Wop."" Some time goes by and the s…

Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy? Because all the roads lead to Rome.

Why wasn't Christ born in Italy? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

The Italian who went to Malta (read with Italian accent) One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say, you no understand, I wanna piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch! I don't even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch!! Later I go to eat at a bigga restaurant. The waitress brings …

This joke will work for a limited time only. A Priest, a Bishop, and a Cardinal flying are over Italy. Suddenly, the pilot has a heart attack and slumps over. The plane starts to crash. The Priest jumps up and grabs the controls but just at that moment both engines start sputtering and begin to fail. He turns to the Bishop and says: ""Monsignore, what do we do?"" The Bishop leaps into action and grabs the parachutes only to find all three fall apart in his hands having been chewed to bits by mic…

Ittilain wedding It Italy its a tradition for the mother to accompany the daughter when the marriage in consummated. The mother says to the daughter ""Don't worry about your first time, you will enjoy it."" and hasty the daughter enters the room. Five minutes later she runs out screaming, "" MAMA! MAMA! The man has a harry back!"" the mother replies, ""Don't worry, men are just like that, get back inside and enjoy yourself"". The wife enters the house again. Five minutes later she runs out again…