Italy Jokes

A guy walks into a bar in Italy and goes "can I get a shot?" The bartender goes "Yes. Giuseppe, shoota this man."

A joke I came up with that I told people in a dream this morning... A ship belonging to a seafood company from Italy accidentally drops tons upon tons of live lobsters overboard off the coast of Maine. Upon hearing this news, a lobster-catcher from Maine down on his luck jumps on his boat to catch as many of the lobsters as he can and sell them before the Italian company can get them back. As he doesn't know quite where the lobsters had fallen into the water, he casts his net out and tries to …

I was dating a girl from Romania, but she only wanted to vacation in Italy all the time After our 17th trip in 3 years, I found I had misunderstood her on our first date, when she'd confessed to having Rome-mania

I’m ready for a holiday. Paddy says to Mick, “I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant, last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant." Mick asks, "So what are you going to do this year?" Paddy replies, "I'll bloody take her with me!"

An Italian father wants to give his son a gun for his 18th birthday "As is tradition in Italy, I'm going to give you a gun for your 18th birthday." The father says. "But I don't want a gun. What about a nice watch? I would really like a watch, like a Rolex or something." The son replies. "Son..." The father sighs, "This is an Italian tradition. You're going to get a gun for your birthday." "I really don't want a gun, I want a nice watch." The son says. "Listen." The father says is a more se…

When Italy became a Catholic country, the Pope decreed that all Jews in the Vatican must convert or leave When they refused, the pope offered them a deal: He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy. If the pope won, they would have to convert or leave. The Jewish people picked their wisest rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the pope spoke no Yiddish, so they agreed that it woul…

Too soon for COVID jokes? COVID is like fashion… We started hearing about it in Italy… Became popular in LA and NYC… Florida ignored it… And it was all made in China in the end.

The pope decided to kick out all the Jews from Italy So one day the pope decided to kick out all the Jews in Italy, and of course the Jews had a thing or two to say about that. After much uproar the pope relented and said "take 3 days to find your most wisest rabbi and he and I will have a silent battle of knowledge. If I win you leave, if you win you can stay in peace". The Jews then spent the next 3 days searching the country for their most learned rabbi. Upon finding him they brought him b…

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community... If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave. The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke n…

What’s the difference between a word that’s spelled the same forwards and backwards and your friend in Italy? One’s a palindrome and one’s a pal in Rome

France and Italy go to war. Who wins? France.

3 spies from England France and Italy were sent to the USSR.

How do you break up with somebody in Italy? It's not you! It's a me

A woman has to go to a conference in Italy so her husband drives her.

If France and Italy go to war who would win?

What is the proper way to explore Italy? You Rome.

[Long] HOW DOES THE CHINESE STAY PUT IN ITALY About a century or two ago

In Italy they call me Olive Oil

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect.

Why is the leaning tower of Pisa in Italy? It's Italicized

France and Italy simultaneously declare war on each other France surrenders

The Confession An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Italy

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference so her husband drives her to the airport

Traveling through Italy I spent hundreds of Euros on pasta. (Pun) It was worth every Penne.

I bought a 400 year-old chair from Italy... ...but as soon as I sat on it