Ireland Jokes

What do you say if your peeing in Ireland and spot a leprechaun? Urine luck

Why are there so many people in Ireland? Cos' they keep Dublin and Dublin and Dublin...

What do you call a pirate from Ireland?? Arrrish

For the Day that's in it: What did Saint Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland? Are ye alright in the back there lads?

What do you call a fast sheep in Ireland? A virgin.

Why did the pirate go to Ireland? he thought he was going to Arrrland.

Why wasn't Christ born in Ireland? Because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Did you know that Ireland is the richest country in the world? It's capital has been Dublin for a long time.

What is the stinkiest number in Ireland? Farty.

What time is it in Ireland when someone farts too much? Two-forty (use an Irish accent)... It's two-farty

Why is the grass greener in Ireland, than it is in England? It's because we are all over here in England, walking on your grass.

Why do you really not want to get pulled over in Ireland? Because the cops are Dublin the fines! (It took me a three hour car ride to come up with this... I am not a clever person)

What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus? One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.

An American and his wife were driving around Ireland on vacation when one of the rear tyres on their car developed a slow puncture. He managed to find a small local garage where he asked the owner if he had an air line. "An air line?" replied the owner. "You must be joking! We don't even have a bus station!"

The Irish government has announced that, from 6 January 2010, all cars in Ireland will drive on the right-hand side of the road. If the experiment is successful, all other types of vehicle will follow a week later.

A man from Ireland was on a bus tour of the United States. As the bus travelled for miles and miles through desert landscape and oil fields, he asked the guide: "Where are we now?" The guide said proudly: "We're in the great state of Texas." "It's certainly big," mused the Irishman. "It's so big," added the guide, "that your County Kerry would fit into the smallest corner of it." "Yes," smiled the Irishman, "and wouldn't it do wonders for Texas!"

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. Why of course, comes the reply. The first man then asks: Where are you from? I'm from Ireland, replies the second man. The first man responds: You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland. Of Course, replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks:"Where in Ireland are you from? Dublin, comes the reply. I can't believe it, says the first man."I'm from Dublin too! Let's h…

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” “Of course. What may I do for you?” “Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limit, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?” “I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.” “With your honest face,…

Three paddy's (irish men) are in London looking for work on a building site. The first Paddy (the smart one) goes in to see the foreman. The conversation starts. Foreman - "so then Paddy, how many bricks can you lay in a day". Paddy - "that would be 200 brick in a day sir". Foreman - "good man Paddy, thats the sort of level were looking for, but, before I give you the job, I must warn you, I like honesty in a man, so take a good look at me and tell me do you notice anything a bit strange about m…

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky gents were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for his questioning. When Patty came into the office he was instructed to sit in the seat across fro…

A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!' The co…