England Jokes

Girls from England? A guy walks into a bar and hears two women speaking in a British accent. He asks

An Australian is visiting England... He is from a small rural town and he does not know anything about traffic laws and street lights. He crosses a street and almost gets hit by a car. A police officer sees him and screams: ""Oi! Did you come here to die?"" The Australian replies with: ""Nah mate

Big vote today in England. If Leave wins I predict : Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovakout. Latervia. Byegium

I hope England beats Iceland... Or they will be out of Europe twice this week!

The difference between a tea bag and England The tea bag stays longer in the cup.

England 1 - 2 Iceland Credits to Iceland though

Queen of England Obama was talking to the queen of England and he asked her how she runs her country so well. The queen replies quite simply that she chooses the best people to run it. Obama considers this for a moment and then asks

A Saudi Arabian prince is going to college in England He texts his father

George Bush was visiting the queen of England... when he asked her ""I must say

What do the weather in England and a Muslim have in common? It’s either Sunni or Shiite.

The Ambassador to England Just after the war of 1812

George and the Dragon A vagabond in 18th century England

George Bush is with the Queen of England. George: ""Your Majesty

Military joke A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis. Upon returning to England from the South American island

The English and the Scots. A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says ""I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads

English Weather I just read something about weather in England:

England fans must be pretty happy right now. They've been waiting years for their team to play like Spain.

I've decided to go on the "England World Cup Diet" It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads! (England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...)

Did you know that the Queen of England is a casual gamer?,"From what I hear, she mostly plays Nintendo games. So would you call this proper use of the royal Wii?

Does England have a fourth of July?,"Of Course they do they just don't celebrate it!

Why is the grass greener in Ireland, than it is in England?","It's because we are all over here in England walking on your grass.

Girls from England?,"A guy walks into a bar and hears two women speaking in a British accent. He asks, ""Are you ladies from England?"" One says to him ""No, it's Wales, you idiot!"" So, then the guy says, ""Okay, sorry. So are you two whales from England?""

Did you know that the Queen of England is a casual gamer? From what I hear, she mostly plays Nintendo games. So, would you call this proper use of the royal Wii?

Why did the Siamese twins move to England? So the one on the right could drive for a change.