My father said to me: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.' So I sent him to a boarding school in England.

A Saudi Arabian prince is going to college in England He texts his father, "Dad, I feel weird driving my Lamborghini to school when all my classmates take a train" His father replies; "Son, I have transferred 500 million dollars into your account. Go out and buy a train and stop embarrassing this family"

"Hey mom can Kyle come over?" mom: Kyle from your school or Kyle who is really bad at finishing other people's- [From outside] LOOFAS!

If I could really LMAO, I could get into these jeans my mom has saved for me since high school.