Donald Trump Jokes

Topical Jokes (5/27) Hello again, /r/jokes! Lend me your eyes! It's time to recap the day's jokes so we can all enjoy some idiocy. Starting off with some entertainment news. ""Fast and Furious 6"" opened up the box office gross with over $99 million. Most of the revenue was generated through Vin Diesel having to watch the movie 60 million times before comprehending the plot beyond his prior understanding of just ""Car go fast vroom"". This is always interesting. A fragment of the Dead Sea Scroll…

A guy is on the corner of the street waiting to hail a cab and he has a giant peach for a head... Another man comes up to him and says ""I'm sorry, I couldn't help but notice that you have a giant peach for a head; what's up with that?"" The man with a giant peach for a head responds ""It's kind of a funny story actually."" He explains that on his last birthday a genie appeared to him and offered to grant him three wishes. ""For my first wish,"" the man with a giant peach for a head began, ""was…

Donald Trump is starting a petition to stop the sale of pre-shredded cheese. He's very serious about trying to make the USA grate again.

What do you get when you mix Michael Jordan with Donald Trump? A Dunkin' Donut.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Hitler Hitler had supporters.

Donald Trump for President.

Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to crash. A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes. The first passenger yells, "I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't afford to die." he took the first parachute and jumped. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs screaming, "I'm the smartest man in the world & the next President of America. He grabbed the second parachute and jumped. The 3rd passenger, Hillary…

Donald Trump is still running for president because it is the only race he hasn't offended yet.

A new study has found that Donald Trump supporters make the most grammatical errors. They tried to find Hillary supporters errors as well, but they got deleted.

Donald Trump has been saying he will run for president as a Republican. Which is surprising, since I just assumed he was running as a joke.

A guy walks into a bookstore... and asks the clerk, "do you have the new book by Donald Trump about deporting all the Muslims in the U.S.?" Stunned, the clerk responds, "are you kidding me? Get the hell out of here!" "That's it! Do you have it in paperpack?"

He's making a list, he's checking it twice. He's gonna find out who's Muslim or nice. Donald Trump is coming to town ! 🎶

Hillary, Trump, and Cruz walk into a bar Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, and Ted Cruz walk into a bar on Christmas Eve. Hillary tells the bartender: "Good evening, my man! Pour me a drink, I'm tired and thirsty from all the campaigning." Donald Trump then says: "Merry Christmas! I want a drink too." He then looks closely at the bartender and says, "You are incredibly ugly. And bald. I hate ugly people. I have always been a very beautiful man. Because I'm beautiful and a winner and ahead…

What America thinks of Donald Trump is what the world thinks of America.

Donald Trump has cancelled a planned trip to Israel. When asked why, Trump said, "They already have a wall and fear of Muslims. My work there is done."

Donald Trump is what happens when you tell a child all his ideas are special.

Donald Trump Donald Trump has labelled Hillary Clinton "disgusting" for taking a bathroom break during the debate. Trump himself never has to go to the bathroom, as the shit just comes straight out of his mouth.   Edit: Thanks to everyone that found this joke funny. To all those I offended: Stop being offended by jokes on the internet ;) MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!   Edit: Spelling

Recently, I was watching the Republican debate, and they were debating abortion. Donald Trump was talking about how opposed to it he was, but I thought to myself, come on Don, you're a businessman. I bet you wouldn't be this upset if you could charge them an early termination fee.

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Donald Trump fans...... A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Donald Trump fans. Not really knowing what a Donald Trump fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny. The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different... Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not a Donald Trump fan." The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Donald Trump?" …

Donald Trump visits an elementary school Donald Trump is visiting a elementary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Mr Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy." So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that wou…

Donald Trump... -A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East. -Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured. -Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. -The rest of the world is in shock. -Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace. -Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance. -Latin American countries are sending clothing. -New Zealand and Australia …

Nicki Minaj, Donald Trump, hoverboards, North Korea.... Oh wait, this *is* the place to post jokes, right?

Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar... Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar on Christmas Eve. Bernie Sanders says "Hello, can I have a drink?" and gets a drink. Donald Trump walks up to the bartender and says "Merry Christmas, can I have a drink? By the way, bartender, you are extremely ugly. I f***ing hate you. You're also bald. I hope that you die soon. When I become president I will make sure to deport ugly and bald people like you." The entire bar looks in…

Donald Trump says that he plans to reduce inflation. Shortly after, Tom Brady announced his intent to vote for Trump.

A man, his sister and his wife walk into the voting booth to vote for Donald Trump. They've both given it a lot of thought.