Donald Trump Jokes

Why does Donald Trump secretly not want to win the election? Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

It's 2023, a child asks her father "how did Donald Trump get elected?" ".....that was the year all the adults were busy coloring."

If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are together on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it sinks, who survives? America.

Donald Trump and his chauffeur are driving on a country road Donald Trump and his chauffeur are driving on a country road. Suddenly, a pig runs in front of the car. The chauffeur has no time to react, and runs over it, giving it instant death. The chauffeur stops the car, gets out and looks around. He spots a small farm-house in the distance. Donald says to his chauffeur, "You should at least tell them that you've killed the pig" The chauffeur does as he's told. A couple of hours later, t…

Donald Trump walks up to President Obama... He asks, "Obama my man, how did you manage to put together such a wonderful team? Tell me your secret." Obama smiles and replies, "Well, the first thing that you have to do, Mr Trump, is to surround yourself with intelligent people." "Well how do I do that?" asks Trump. "Simple," Obama replies. "The way I do it, I always ask them one simple question." He turns around and yells, "Joe! Get in here!" Joe Biden saunters into the the room. "Joe," Obama…

Donald Trump wants to become President This is not the first time he has tried to kick a black family out of their home. Credit : Snoop Dogg

What is a tragedy? During one of his campaign trips Donald Trump is visiting an elementary school and goes into one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Mr. Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word “Tragedy.” So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: “If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks …

CNN has just reported that Monika Lewinski will be helping with the Donald Trump for president campaign. Apparently, the last time she endorsed a Clinton, it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Trump asks what a tragedy is... During one of his campaign trips, Donald Trump visits an elementary school and enters one of the classrooms. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Mr. Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word “Tragedy.” So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: “If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and k…

Three little people are sitting at a bar. The first little person says, "I have pretty small feet, more so than anybody else I know. In fact, I think I could make the Guinness World Record for smallest feet." The second says, "I have never met a grown man as short as I am. I think I'll go to apply with Guinness for the 'world's shortest man' award." The third says, "Mine is better than both of yours. Do you see these hands? I bet you've never seen hands this small before. They're going right …

Donald Trump dies and goes to heaven... He soon reaches the pearly gates, and is greeted by St. Peter himself. Donald notices a wall of clocks behind St. Peter, some of them ticking, and some are not, and asks, "What's with all the clocks?" St. Peter replies, "These are Lie-Clocks, every person on Earth and in Heaven has one, and they tick once every time you tell a lie. Over here we have Sylvia Brown's, which is moving once every 2 seconds. On the other hand, Mother Teresa's Lie-Clock has not…

An average American voter walks into a bar ... ... and sees Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton huddled together at the end of the bar, whispering to one another. Intrigued, the voter approaches the pair and asks them what they are doing. "We're planning the 2016 election," brags Trump. "What's going to be different about it this year?" the voter asks. "Well," Clinton replies, "We're going to rig the vote count and put me in office, as well as delete a few of my emails." "What's so important …

A Texan, Donald Trump, and a New Mexican are walking along when they stumble upon a gold lamp... They all immediately grab for it, and each get a hand on it. As they each struggle to take it from the other two, a genie pops out. The genie says, "You have woken me from my slumber, and I shall give you three wishes. Since you each have a hand on the lamp, you will get one wish a piece." The Donald Trump goes first. He says, "I want all the Mexicans permanently out of the United States and back…

If Donald Trump becomes president, and Boris Johnson becomes UK's PM... It'll be like toupees in a pod.

Donald Trump secretly wants to lose the election? If he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

A good catholic joke The pope and Donald Trump are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd! The pope leans towards Trump and says "do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy?. This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!" Trump replied "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand... show me!" So the Pope backhanded h…

Why does Donald Trump think Jesus was a liar? "He was a Middle-Easterner, but he had a Mexican name."

Donald Trump is being held hostage... Guy 1: "Donald Trump is being held hostage by terrorists and they threaten to shoot him unless the US can come up with $5 billion in cash!" Guy 2: "Oh my God, that's horrible! How much have people donated?" Guy 1: "So far, 15 rifles, 20 machine guns, 16 shotguns, 8 revolvers, 76 BB guns, 18 Glocks, 15 magnums, 21 bobcats, and $12 million in bullets.

Donald Trump is flying over New York City He looks out of the window and says to his family, "You know what, I'm gonna throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy!" His son looks at him and says, "Dad, why don't you throw two hundred $5 bills out of the window? Then you can make two hundred people happy." Donald says, "Son, that's a great idea!" His wife turns to him and says, "Donald, why not throw one thousand $1 bills out the window? You could make one thousand p…

Donald Trump has been kidnapped by terrorists! I heard it on the radio while I was driving down the freeway on my way to work. But then I was stuck in traffic. Some guys came up to my car, knocked on my window and said "Sir, as you must have heard, Donald Trump has been kidnapped by terrorists! They have demanded a 50 Billion dollar ransom, or else they will douse him in gasoline and burn him alive! We are going car to car asking for a contribution." "Oh Dear!" I exclaimed. "What is the aver…

The Joker is in a room with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and has a gun with one bullet, who does he shoot? Neither. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

Donald Trump, a white worker , and a Mexican worker are sitting at a table. A waiter comes over carrying 10 cookies on a plate. Before the waiter even gets a chance to set the plate on the table, Donald Trump reaches over and takes 9 cookies and stuffs them in his pocket. He then leans over to the white worker and says "watch out, that rapist is looking at your cookie." Edit:

What happened to the Mexican after Donald Trump was elected?

A doctor told Donald Trump he has Acute Narcissistic Personality Disorder... Trump said "It's not just cute, it's **the cutest** narcissistic personality disorder in the world. Believe me."

A redditor walks in to bar... The bartender says, "what'll you have?" "It's been so long since I've had a good laugh", replies the redditor. "I'll give you $100 if you can tell me a joke I haven't heard before." "That sounds easy enough", replies the bartender. "I should warn you", the redditor says, "I browse /r/jokes so I've heard them all over and over and over again". Curious, the bartender pulls out his phone and browses /r/jokes for a few minutes. "How about this?" he asks, "A m…