Den Jokes

The deaf wife Fred feared his wife Rhonda wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. "Here's what you do," said the Doctor. "Stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not,…

Abbot and Costello: Computer Shopping ABBOT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer. ABBOT: Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud. ABBOT: Your computer? COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. ABBOT: Mac? COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Bud. ABBOT: What about Windows? COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy? ABBOT: Do you want a computer with Windows? COSTELL…

Loaned Costume A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party.…

The Human-like Gorilla A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one. Quickly, the new "gori…

A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party. The day of the party the wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the part…

The Deaf Wife Problem Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor. 'Stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If…

A woman takes her dog anywhere and everywhere... On one trip she goes to Africa with her dog for a week long safari. One morning the dog goes outside and sees a lion running straight for the camp. The dog looks around and finds a pile of bones. Once the lion is within earshot the dog yells, "That was one tasty lion!" And continues to gnaw one a bone. The lion stops in its tracks and runs off. Next to the camp was a monkey which witnessed the events that had unfolded. The dog sees the monkey cli…

The Lion and the Monkey A lion and lioness are sitting in their den, when a monkey climbs up a nearby tree and starts insulting the mighty lion. The lioness starts to get angry and says, "King of the jungle, how dare you allow this puny monkey to insult you? You must punish him." "You are right, but you know what? I am king of the jungle and I must not lower myself to his level. Let's ignore it." The lioness, astonished, sat in silence. Yet the monkey kept on. After sometime, the lioness loo…

Offended woman A woman on a bus overheard a man, obviously a foreigner, talking to his companion while he said, “Emma coma first, I coma next, two assa coma together, I coma again, two assa coma together again, I coma once-a-more, den pee-pee twice, den I coma for da lasta time.” The woman, disgusted by the filthy language, and noting a policeman sitting ahead of her said, “Sir can you arrest this man, or at least give him a warning?” “For what?,” asked the policeman, “for spelling Mississipp…

So I went on Dragons Den with my grandad's shotgun and Peter Jones said, "so what's the business idea?" I said, "It's a very simple concept, Peter. Put the money in the bag."

A lion and lioness were chilling in their den Suddenly they heard a dog barking outside

2 Italian men.... So 2 Italian men walk into a bus after it stops. They sit behind a lady who tries not to listen to their conversation but is curious. One says ""Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses dey come together. Den I come again. Two asses they come together again. Then I come and pee twice. Then I come again."" The woman then says aloud ""You foul-mouthed swines! In America

The Lion and the Monkey A lion and lioness are sitting in their den

Where do Russian Spy's live?,"In a Snow Den. (This is a joke. Please refrain from yelling at me that he is not a spy. Thank you and have a nice day.)

Where do Russian Spy's live? In a Snow Den. (This is a joke. Please refrain from yelling at me, that he is not a spy. Thank you and have a nice day.)

Why is Man Utd's chemistry lacking? Because they are held together by weak van den Gaal's forces.

What did Obama say to the Vice President before leaving the White House? Bi den!

While proudly showing off his new fraternity house to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That's the talking clock" the man replied with a grin, "Let me show you how it works!" And with that, he gave the gong an ear-shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERKS! IT'S 2 AM!"