I try to use proper grammar and punctuation in all of my tweets, until I'm about to go over the 140 character limit...& den u no how it b.

A teenage boy shows up at his prom date's house for the big evening The girl's father meets him at the door, and asks him into his den to have a chat. The father closes the door and explains to the teen that his daughter is very precious to him, and he doesn't want anything to happen to her. As he finishes his sentence, he opens his gun case and pulls out a 10 gauge shotgun, aiming it at the teen. The kid's eyes go wide in panic, and the father tells him to drop his pants and jerk off. The teen …

New York Nun A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup. As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city's problems. Slightly ticked off at having to listen to this, the guy said, ""Listen sister, I work hard for my money and …

A young man wanted to know the secret of life. So he asked a pair of wise, immortal, dolphin-like creatures. The dolphins told him they'd share their wisdom, but only if the young man completed their quest. ""First,"" said the male dolphin, ""you must venture out into the forest and locate the Golden Mina Bird. Place it in this magical bag"" -- and the dolphins handed him a golden, silk bag made of the finest materials -- ""and make your way to the edge of the forest."" ""There, you will come to…