Emma Jokes

"If anyone has any objections, speak now or- SHES LITERALLY A BANANA Groom: IS THIS TRUE EMMA? Best man: I f'kin KNEW she bruised too easily

*goes through crush's phone when he dies* *gets out ouija board* "who is Emma"

A young woman is sitting on a train When two old Italian men sit across the aisle from her. She couldn't help but to listen in on their conversation, and she was absolutely appalled by what she heard. One main said to the other, ""Emma come-a first. Then I come. Then two asses, they come-a together. I come again. Then the two asses once-a more. Then I come again, and-a pee twice. Finally, I come-a one-a more-a time."" The woman could not help but interrupt and say to them, ""Heavens! I can't sta…

Two Italians are having a conversation. ""Emma comes first. Then I come. Then two asses come together. I come once more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one last time."" said the one seemingly older to his friend. A woman nearby who overhears them proceeds to scold him loudly, ""You filthy scum! You came first last night!"" ""Sorry Emma.""

I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying ""I'm out for dinner with my friend Emma"" because Emma was lying beside me in bed

Spelling practice It is spelling lesson. The teacher asks the kids to spell different words. -Emma, can you spell 'dog'? -D O G -Correct! Jake, can you spell 'cat'? -C A T -Correct! Now, Ahmed, can you spell 'racial discrimination'?

Thought I'd try writing bad monologue jokes today. Like Jay Leno bad. Russia says it will begin patrolling with nuclear submarines again for the first time in 20 years. Nuclear subs that are 20 years old? I didn't know Russia had Subway. In Texas, a husband and wife are blaming one another for sending ricin-laced letters to public officials. As the saying goes, ""In sickness and in SHE DID IT!"" Mass anti-government protests continued in Turkey over the weekend. The last time there was this much…

Johnny's mother and the bullet. Johnnny's mom was pregnant with twins, johnny and his Emma. While pregnant, she was robbed and shot twice in the stomach. The doctor said the babies would survive, but would piss out a bullet once they hit puberty. She gave birth, and some years later Emma came running to her mom saying, ""Mommy, mommy! I went to the bathroom and pissed out a bullet! So her mom told her what happened. A few days later, Johnny came running to his mother and said, Mommy mommy! Guess…

2 Italian immigrants get on a bus A woman is sitting on a bus, and 2 Italian immigrants come sit down in front of her, she overhears one speaking to the other: "Fredo, Emma come-a first, Then-a I come-a, Then-a the two asses they come-a together, Then-a I come-a again, Then-a the two asses, they come-a together again, Then-a I come-a, Then-a I pee 2 times, Then-a I come-a one last time." Offended she gets up and scolds the two men "You foul mouthed abhorrent men, in this country we do not spe…

I've got two kids, jane and emma, they get bullied at school. I can't make it stop but i can help them rise above it. The other day i said to them, “Look, boys…”

I already got a date this valentine's day. Her name is Emma, Emma Gination.

Offended woman A woman on a bus overheard a man, obviously a foreigner, talking to his companion while he said, “Emma coma first, I coma next, two assa coma together, I coma again, two assa coma together again, I coma once-a-more, den pee-pee twice, den I coma for da lasta time.” The woman, disgusted by the filthy language, and noting a policeman sitting ahead of her said, “Sir can you arrest this man, or at least give him a warning?” “For what?,” asked the policeman, “for spelling Mississipp…

A young woman let's call her Emma...

Joke my 9 year old daughter Emma made up: What kind of list does Emma have a hard time with?

Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Emma gives Mary 3 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. Sam gives Mary 2 stuffed animals and 1 flower. What does Mary have?

My wife accused me of showing favouritism towards one of our kids... It's not true; I love Emma and Not Emma equally!

I've got two kids jane and emma

2 Italian men.... So 2 Italian men walk into a bus after it stops. They sit behind a lady who tries not to listen to their conversation but is curious. One says ""Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses dey come together. Den I come again. Two asses they come together again. Then I come and pee twice. Then I come again."" The woman then says aloud ""You foul-mouthed swines! In America

I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying ""I'm out for dinner with my friend Emma"" because Emma was lying beside me in bed