Bill Clinton Jokes

A survey on the attractiveness of Bill Clinton To find out if he was popular with the female public, Bill Clinton, with a group of scientists under an assumed scientific organization; surveyed over 1000 women with the question: Would you sleep with Bill Clinton? The results were: 1% said, ""No"" 2% said, ""Yes"" 97% said, ""Never Again"" Not mine, adapted it after hearing it from someone else.

Bill Clinton, Ronald Reagan, and Richard Nixon are on a boat... The boat springs a leak and starts to sink. Reagan: We need to save the women and children first. Nixon: F#ck the women. Clinton: Do you think we have time?

A Presidential Joke A guy, long suspecting that his wife was cheating on him, decided to try to catch her in the act. He noticed that on Tuesdays and Thursdays, while he was working out, that when he got home the bed would be kind of messed up, and his wife always made the bed. So one Thursday he decided to leave work early. He got to his apartment and started to unlock the locks and heard some noises. He finally bursts in and sees a pair of men's pants, mans button up shirt, and tie. He then go…

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed... Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. ""Al, what do you believe in?"" Al replies, ""Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that, if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."" God thinks f…

What did the secretary say to Bill Clinton after his inauguration speech? Wow, that was quite a mouthful.

If Bill Clinton gets divorced... Does that mean he's over the Hil?

Hilary clinton President Obama said Hillary Clinton is approaching one million frequent flier miles in her job as Secretary of State. Though even that can't get her upgraded to the seat she really wants."" Jimmy Fallon Hillary Clinton says she and her family stay in touch by e-mailing a lot. Bill said, 'Yeah, that's why I'm always alone on the computer in my room, e-mailing my family.'"" Jimmy Fallon Hillary Clinton visited Egypt today for the first time since the uprising. When asked why she we…

We all know that it isn't polite to use the ""F"" word! There are only ten times in history the ""F"" word has been acceptable for use: 10. ""What the f___ was that?"" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 9. ""Look at all them f___ing Indians!"" - Custer, 1877 8. ""Any f___ing idiot could understand that."" - Einstein, 1938 7. ""It does so f___ing look like her!"" - Picasso, 1926 6. ""How the f___ did you work that out?"" - Pythagorus, 126 BC 5. ""You want WHAT on the f___ing ceiling?"" - Michelangelo, 15…

It is so cold that Bill Clinton is sleeping with his own wife to keep warm!

Bad days One day god was talking to st peter. ""We do not have enough souls in heaven. So from here on out if anyone was having a bad day before they died let them in"". St peter nodded before returning back to the gates. He sees the first person and asks about their day. It was horrible, I come home and i know my wife was cheating. I ran outside and saw the bastard hanging from the balcony rail. So i kick his fingers and watched him fall. He lived so picked up the fridge and threw it at him. In…

List of the shortest books 1. The Australian Book of Foreplay. 2. Contraception by the Pope. 3. The American Guide to Etiquette. 4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family. 5. Consumer Marketing Ethics. 6. Career Opportunities for History Majors. 7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan. 8. Integrity by Bill Clinton. 9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush. 10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK? One got his head blown off while the other got assasinated.

Bill Clinton One day in the future, Bill Clinton has a heart attack and dies, and of course goes straight to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. ""I don't know what to do here,"" says the devil. ""You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll be really nice, and even let you decide who leaves…

So a priest walks by a bunch of children standing around a dog. > Alright, I can't claim this joke. I took it from the chaplain of the New Orleans Saints doing a workshop. Check out his [talk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIG72_LO7wc), he's pretty cool. www.fathertony.com There were a couple of kids that were laughing and standing around a dog that was obviously scared. A priest walks by and says ""Now I know you all won't hurt that dog."" One of the kids says ""Oh no, no. We love the dog.…

Obama announces his idea for air strikes against ISIS... Before publicly announcing it, he runs the idea past George W. Bush and Bill Clinton. Obama: ""I believe this will be exactly what we need to do to fight ISIS. It'll hit them right where it hurts. They'll never see it coming!"" Bush: ""Iraq sure didn't."" Clinton: ""Neither did she.""

(Q)...... What was the difference between Bill Clinton & Monica Lewinsky's dry-cleaners? (A)...... Clinton wouldn't come clean.

Obama goes to hell Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him. ""I'm not sure what to do."" says the Devil. ""You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go."" ""I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves!"" Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so he agrees…

Another, yet different, three doors in hell joke. So a man who who has just died was judged, and sent to hell. When he got there, the Devil stated that there were three doors, each leading to a different punishment, you were set free once someone else picked your door. Behind the first door was one of Satan's demons lashing a man with whips and chains. So the man said "" I don't like this one."" Behind the second door was a child doing very painful looking stretches that would never start to fee…

Oh, Bill... A reporter asks Bill Clinton, ""How's Hillary's head?"" He answers, ""Well, she's no Monica!""

Students taking English Literature at a local college were assigned to read two books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton. One student turned in the following report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories. He got an A+. Titanic: cost - $29.99 Clinton: cost - $29.99 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Titanic: Over 3 hours to read Clinton: Over 3 hours to read ---------------------------------------------------------------------…

Heard this from my History Professor. Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off. Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. ""Al, what do you believe in?"" Al replies, ""Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now."" God thinks for a second and says, ""Okay, very good. Come and sit at my left."" God then addresses Bill. ""Bill, what do you believe in?"" Bill replies, ""I belie…

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. ""Al, what do you believe in?"" Al replies, ""Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now."" God thinks for a second and says ""Okay, very good. Come and sit at my left."" God then addresses Bill. ""Bill, what do you believe in?"" Bill replies, ""I belie…

These are the only ten times in history the ""F"" word has been acceptable for use... 10. ""What the @#$% was that?"" -Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 9. ""Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"" -Custer, 1877 8. ""Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."" -Einstein, 1938 7. ""It does so @#$%ing look like her!"" -Picasso, 1926 6. ""How the @#$% did you work that out?"" -Pythagoras, 126 BC 5. ""You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"" -Michelangelo,1566 4. ""Where the @#$% are we?"" -Amelia Ear…

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. ""I don't know what to do here, "" says the devil. "" You are on my list. . . but I have no room for you."" ""You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do."" ""I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you, I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves. George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil …