Bill Clinton Jokes

Bill Clinton has been battling the same illness for 17 years. Pneumonica.

If Bill Clinton ever says ""I can't. My wife would kill me"" What he really means is his wife would have him killed.

Why did Bill Clinton sign the NAFTA agreement? [NSFW] He loves a giant sucking sound.

Bill Clinton is working at a newsstand. A woman asks him ""How can I buy the New York Times?"" He replies ""Ask my wife. She'll tell you how you do it.

Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, and Donald Trump go to heaven. They are called before God's throne. ""Who are you, and what good did you do on earth?"", God asks Reagan. ""I am Ronald Reagan, oh Lord, and I won the Cold War"", Reagan answers. ""Very well"", God says, ""Take the seat to my right."" He then turns to Clinton and asks him the same question. ""I am Bill Clinton, oh Lord, and I balanced the budget"", Clinton answers. ""Very well"", God says, ""Take the seat to my left."" He then turns to…

Bill Clinton was surprised to find his old sandwich maker is ahead 12 points in the polls.

Monica Blue Knock knock. Whos there? Monica Blue. Monica Blue who? Bill Clinton.

Why does Bill Clinton chew gum all the time? He has an oral fixation.

If Bill Clinton was a construction worker he would be called Bob the Billder Sorry.

What is the difference between Donald Trump and Bill Clinton? Ivanka didn't keep the dress

The US is waking up to news of Brexit 'Vote Leave' win... Bill Clinton leads 'BJ for Prime Minister' calls.

Bill Clinton was seeing his counselor... And his counselor asked how Hillary's head was doing with all this e-mail controversy. Bill replied, ""Still not as good as Monica's.""

Since role reversal is so popular in Hollywood right now with female Ghostbusters, Star Wars' Rey as the new Luke, a potential black or female James Bond, Disney will remake another classic with role reversal. Snow White and the 7 Little Girls. Where Snow White is an old guy whose head of hair is ""snow white"". Rumor is that Bill Clinton will be playing the lead.

Tally-whacker Bill Clinton after playing a round of golf with Supporters, notices Donald trump standing in an adjacent urinal. Suddenly Bill looks down and notices that Donald was quite well endowed. ""Damn, Donald,"" Bill said, ""How did that thing ever get so big?"" ""It's like this, Every night, before I go to bed, I smack it against the bed post ten times. That's all it takes."" ""What a good idea!"" said Bill. ""Hillary's been ignoring me lately; this could really perk up our love life."" L…

People are loving this whole 'birdie sanders' thing but... i don't recall a similar reaction when bill clinton got a bird to come

I heard that Bill Clinton threw his support behind Bernie Sanders He misheard. He thought the campaign slogan was *Feel the Intern*.

Bill Clinton is so exited about the possibility of being in the White house again, He too has started wearing a hat on the campaign trail. It says : Make America fellate again.

You wanna know why Indian Students are disliked abroad?? read on.....It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, ""Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said. 'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall…

Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers in the winter time? To keep Hillary's chin warm!

What do Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton have in common? They blew a seal.

George Washington, Bernie Sanders, and Bill Clinton are all on a sinking ship... ...George Washington exclaims, ""Save the women!"" Bernie Sanders then yells,""Screw the women!"". Bill Clinton then asks excitedly,"" Do we have time?""

With the election coming close, I trust Bill Clinton the most... He always picked someone other than Hillary, so I will too.

So Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby and Bill Nye all walk into a bar... They all finish their drinks and Nye says to the lady behind the bar I'll cover the tab these two will give you their tips.

Presidential clock After dinner one night, Bill Clinton drops his pants and points at his manhood, telling Hillary if she is going to be President, she better get to know the Presidential clock. She yells, ""That's not a clock"", to which he responds, ""If you put two hands and a face on it, it will be!""

What did Bill Clinton find attractive about Monica Lewinsky? He said she had the prettiest smile he ever came across.