Richard Nixon Jokes

Gerald Ford goes to hell When Gerald Ford died, he found himself in hell, which puzzled him greatly. ""How is it that I'm in hell?"" He wondered, ""I was a good Christian, I was faithful to my wife and country, never stole, lied or cheated...yet here I am."" While he was pondering this, he felt a tap on his shoulder, and he turned to see Richard Nixon, saying ""Pardon me, Gerald..."" With that, he knew why he was in hell.

What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time? I am not a cook

In honor of the papal visit, I submit the worst, longest, most tortuous pope joke I know. It's 1969. China and the Soviet Union are on the brink of open hostilities. The war would kill us all. And only the pope can save the day. Well, so thinks Richard Nixon. See, he'd been up all night watching *The Shoes of the Fisherman*, and it was such a harrowing vision that he was determined that the pope, and only the pope, could broker a deal between two hostile nations. If you've not seen *The Shoes of…

Bill Clinton, Ronald Reagan, and Richard Nixon are on a boat... The boat springs a leak and starts to sink. Reagan: We need to save the women and children first. Nixon: F#ck the women. Clinton: Do you think we have time?

A man walks into a t-shirt store... There are 3 shirts on display. The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled ""Got Milk."" The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled ""Forgot Milk."" The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled ""Not Milk.""

Richard Nixon makes a really awful dinner for his wife. He defends himself by saying ""I am not a cook"".

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. ""I don't know what to do here, "" says the devil. "" You are on my list. . . but I have no room for you."" ""You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do."" ""I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you, I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves. George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil …

A boy sits in class watching the clock when the teacher stands up in front of the class And tells the class since there isn't much time before the end of class and it was Friday she will play a game with them. She explains the rules. Teacher: Guess which president said the quote and you can leave early. The boy is excited this is his favorite subject and he knows he is going home early today. Teacher: "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country." The boy r…

The orange man in hell Some time in the future Donald J Trump has moved on and like most presidents finds himself in Hell. The Devil greets him, and said he can choose his torment for all eternity. He takes him to a room, and there is Gerald Ford, he is smashing rocks with a hammer. Each time he reduces a boulder to pebbles, another boulder is before him Trump says, “I don’t think I can do this forever, I have a bad shoulder”. The Devil takes him to the next room. There, Richard Nixon …