Airplane Jokes

World War II Pilots crash on a deserted island World War II is in full force, and a Japanese biplane and an american plane both crash after a dogfight on a deserted jungle island. An American pilot, a German Pilot, and one Japanese pilot meet on the beach and figure they'll call a truce until they're rescued. "Alright you guys" says the American. "I'll get the fire going. You go into the forest and find anything to help set up a camp." The german goes off to look for food, and tells the Jap…

What do you call a Muslim Flying an airplane A pilot

A group of engineering proffesors got in a plane... Before closing the doors, the flight attendants told them that the plane had been built by their own students. Scared, all of the teachers ran out of the plane, except one. The pilot came to him and asked him why he was so relaxed. The proffesor said "I know my students very well. And I'm sure that if this plane is really built by them, the thing won't even start!"

A husband and wife attended a county fair where a man in an old biplane was giving rides for $50. The couple wanted to ride, but they thought the pilot's price was too high. They tried negotiating to get him to lower the price, offering $50 for them both, but he wouldn't budge. Finally, the pilot made them an offer. "You pay me the whole $100, and I'll take you up," he said. "And if you don't say a single word during the flight, I'll give you back all your money." They agreed and the couple g…

A airplane is going down midflight and the pilot comes on the intercom. He says, "Attention passengers we are going down. To help with the weight of the plane and attempt to save some lives we are gonna kick people off the plane in alphabetical order." The plane goes quiet but the people agree and a flight attendant let's the pilot know. Once again the pilot comes over the speaker and says, "we will now start the removal process. First is A. Do we have any Africans?" Plane is quiet. "Okay B's, …

A group of engineering professors board a plane to a conference... After they are all seated in their row, the flight attendants announce that their students were the ones that built the plane they were sitting in. The professors jump out of their seats and run to the door in a panic. When they notice one professor stayed seated, they ask him "why are you so calm right now?" The engineer answers "If I know my students well, and they really did build this plane, then I can say with 100% certaint…

A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Texan, and a Mexican are riding a plane... …when the plane's engines fail and it starts to go down. The pilot grabs one of the parachutes and jumps from the plane. The remaining passengers see that there is only one chute left, and quickly do the math. The Englishman stands up, straightens his tie, says "God save the Queen!" and jumps from the plane. The Frenchman, not wanting to be seen as less noble than the Englishman, says "Vive la France!" and jumps to his…

An airplane is about to crash... As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman? "A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Faith is everything A man is about to jump from a plane. Right before he jumps, he looks down and freezes in place. "Don't worry," says the pilot, "If something goes wrong - start chanting 'Oh great Buddha, please save me'". Skeptical but with renewed confidence, the man jumps. At the right height, he tries to open his parachute. Nothing happens. He tries to open the spare parachute. Nothing happens. Terrified, the man shouts: "OH GREAT BUDDHA, PLEASE SAVE ME!!" Suddenly, the man stops…

A billionaire throws a party for the whole town.... A billionaire throws a party for the whole town. He has everything a billionaire could possibly have including: tennis courts, go cart track, mini-golf, private airplane, and a huge mansion. The main attraction however is the biggest swimming pool you've ever seen, and inside that pool, the worlds biggest alligator. At the end of the party he makes a announcement, 'Before everyone leaves Id like to make a challenge, Whoever can swim across…

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest... A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out. Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I sa…

This joke makes me uncomfortable A black dad and his son are flying on a plane. Halfway through the flight, the pilot announces that an engine has stopped working and they will be dropping all luggage in order to land safely. The dad squeezes the boys hand and reassures him. Minutes later, the pilot gets back on the speaker to say another engine has blown and that people will have to start jumping from the plane to save the rest. The pilot says the fairest thing to do is go in alphabetical ord…

A plane was once flying over an island.. A plane was once flying over an island when the passengers heard the pilot's voice: “Ladies & Gentlemen, if you look on the right side of the plane, you'll see an engine on fire. If you look on the left side, you'll see a wing on fire. And if you look down, you'll see me and my co-pilot in parachutes, waving at you. This is a recording.”

An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight. After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath. "You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?" "Oh, this isn't my flight," the man says. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm vegan."

Donald Trump is flying over New York City He looks out of the window and says to his family, "You know what, I'm gonna throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy!" His son looks at him and says, "Dad, why don't you throw two hundred $5 bills out of the window? Then you can make two hundred people happy." Donald says, "Son, that's a great idea!" His wife turns to him and says, "Donald, why not throw one thousand $1 bills out the window? You could make one thousand p…

An airplane loses one of its engines and starts to lose altitude Since they're flying over the ocean, all the nearest airports are hours away, so the pilot says: 'Ladies and gentlemen! Unfortunately, we'll crash... unless we get rid of some extra weight. The stewardesses have already thrown out all unnecessary objects, but this wasn't enough, so a few passangers will have to sacrifice themselves as well. Are there any volunteers?' Dead silence. 'Then, we'll have to choose based on a certain …

The moral of the story The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. ---The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and…

A german, a french and a turkish man on a plane The plane is about to crash unless the passengers drop some weight. The pilot tells the three guys to drop something which they have enough of in their country. The french man throws a baguette out of the window. The turkish man throws a kebap out of the window. The german throws the turkish man out of the window.

A black kid and his father are on an airplane The plane suddenly starts to lose altitude and the captain made an announcement. "Attention passengers. Due to an engine failure we are forced to dump all your baggage to lighten the plane. Unfortunately the plane is still too heavy so we have no chocie but to start throwing out passengers by alphabetical order until the plane is light enough. We will start with the A's. Will all African Americans please jump out of the plane." The little boy star…

A Baker, a Brickmaker, and a bombmaker are on a plane when one of the engines fail The pilot asks them to throw anything they brought out the door to lighten the plane. The baker throws out a loaf of bread, the brickmaker throws out a brick, and the bombmaker throws out a bomb. The plane crashes anyway and the pilot dies. Miraculously the 3 men survive. They start walking through the jungle hoping to find civilization when they come across a little boy crying. They ask him "Why are you cryin…

A blonde finds herself sitting next to a lawyer on a plane.. A blonde who finds herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just keeps bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offers her 10 to 1 odds, and says every time the blonde can not answer one of his questions, she owes him $5, but every time he cannot answer hers, he’ll give her $50. The lawyer figures he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepts. The lawyer first …

A blond woman gets on a plane... She sits down in the first class. A steward, - who has seen her ticket at the entrance - approaches her very politely and ask if he could see her ticket once more. The woman hands it to him. The steward sees that it is for the Economy class and says nicely: - Madam, your ticket is not for the first class, but for the Economy. Would you please proceed to the back? The woman stands up and says quite loudly: - I am blond, I am going on holiday to Miami and I will …

If a female fighter pilot shoots down a lot of enemy airplanes, she might plausibly be called a heroine. But if she shoots up a lot of heroin, she will probably not be called an enemy airplane.

Billionaire throws a party for the whole town Edit: This joke is best told out loud A billionaire throws a party for the whole town. He has everything a billionaire could possibly have including: tennis courts, go cart track, mini-golf, private airplane, and a huge mansion. The main attraction however is the biggest swimming pool you've ever seen, and inside that pool, the worlds biggest alligator. At the end of the party he makes a announcement, 'Before everyone leaves Id like to make a cha…

The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.