Airplane Jokes

I need a few brief jokes to tell to a group of elderly people. The punchlines need to be easily understood, and they need to be clean and not making fun of anyone with any kind of disability. Have any brief and fairly original jokes? This one is good, although I’ll probably have to emphasize the ‘mispronouncing words’ part, and instead of blonde, the dummy will be me: *A blonde is flying in a Boeing for the first time. She starts jumping on her seat shouting "Boeing Boeing Boeing". The pilot, …

What do you call a paper airplane that can’t fly? Stationary.

What do you call a black man flying a white airplane? A pilot, you racist.

elon musk, tiger woods, the pope and a college student are on an airplane … the plane is going down, the pilots bailed, it’s going to crash. there’s 4 of them and only 3 parachutes … tiger woods says “i’m the best golfer in the world, i think i should get a parachute.” everyone agrees, tiger woods takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. elon musk says “i’m the smartest man in the world, i think i should get a parachute.” everyone agrees, elon musk jumps out of the plane. the pope tells…

What sound does an airplane make when it bounces Boeing Boeing

A guy gets on an airplane and finds himself sitting next to a talking duck. A gorgeous young stewardess comes by and asks the guy and the duck if they would like anything to drink. "I would like a cup of coffee, please," says the guy. "And I'd like a can of beer, you ugly pig!" shouts the duck. The stewardess goes and gets a can of beer for the duck. But she is so shaken by the duck's rudeness that she forgets the guy's coffee. When the stewardess comes back and gives the beer to the duck, …

A man walks by a farm, where he sees a pig with a wooden leg He's never seen anything like it before; the pig is just wandering around the farm, but with a well crafted wooden leg. His curiosity gets the better of him and he waves the farmer over. "Sorry to bug you," the man says, "but I just have to ask, how did that pig end up with a wooden leg?" The farmer laughs. "Well, that pig... he's mighty special. The pilot light in our oven malfunctioned in the middle of the night, and set the who…

Intercom A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said,…

A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says, "Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights." Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says, "…

Greta thunberg began screaming, “I will not fly private!” She said to her manager as they pulled into the parking lot. “The conference is two days away and across the ocean, would you like to fly coach?” He replied. “On a commercial airline produced by slave labor? I don’t think so!” She screamed. Her manager sighed heavily before responding, “Thats why I’ve brought you to this decommissioned military base. There are lots of old boats and airplanes on this lot, why don’t you look around, …

Henry Winkler sits down on an airplane. The flight attendant comes over and ask him if he would like free head phones. He responds “Sounds great. But it’s pronounced Fonz.”

Airplane crashed into a cemetery. Rescuers have already pulled 10,000 dead bodies from the wreckage and are still pulling out more...

An Airbus 380 is flying across the Atlantic An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a jet fighter appears. The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!" He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almos…

There are four people in an airplane. They are as follows: \- The pilot (Obviously) \- The president of the USA \- The world's smartest man \- A student from a local school. ​ Suddenly, an alarm sounds. The pilot runs into the passenger cabin and says: "I don't want to alarm you, but there seems to be a problem with the engine. We're all going down!" The passengers and the pilot need to evacuate, but there's a problem: There are only three parachutes in the plane. One person has …

Mike and his wife Sara went to the state fair every year, and every year Mike would say, "Sara, I'd like to ride in that airplane.".... Sara always replied, "I know, Mike, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars." One year Mike and Sara went to the fair, and Mike said, "Sara, I'm eighty-five years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance." Sara replied, "Mike, that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is …

Where were you last night already? Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot’s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next da…

I designed a rubber airplane that is crashproof. It's called the Boing 747

(My Italian relative told me this joke in Italian, hope it pans out in English): A priest and an airplane pilot… A priest and an airplane pilot both die and reach the heavenly gates, where they wait in line to be welcomed and processed by Saint Peter. The pilot goes first. Saint Peter looks at him and checks out his book of life, seeing all his deeds and accomplishments. Saint Peter looks pleased and hands him a silken white robe to wear, and a bright and shiny golden staff to walk with. “He…

A group of engineering students and their professor were given free airline tickets to go on a holiday... Once they boarded the plane, the captain announced that they would be flying on a plane that the students had built. Every one of the students panicked and left the plane, except for the professor. When the flight attendant asked the professor why he hadn't left the plane too he responded "I know the abilities of my students quite well... this shit won't even start".

I'm terrified of dying alone That's why I'm getting my pilot's license

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" ​ Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI…

Henry Winkler was flying from New York to LA Henry Winkler was flying from New York to LA when an airplane stewardess approached him. She asked "Would you like some headphones? "Henry smiled and replied, "Of course My Dear, by the way, it's pronounced Fonz."

On a plane full of Redditors, a man starts having a heart attack. A flight attendant notices, and quickly shouts: “We’re having an emergency! Is anyone on this plane a doctor?” Immediately, five people stand up and say "I'm not a doctor, but...”

scarlet johansson There’s an airline crash in the Pacific. The only two survivors are a young man, Steve, and an unconscious young woman. Steve finds the young woman clinging to a piece of debris. He tows her to a small, deserted atoll. The young woman does not regain consciousness for a week. In the meantime, Steve cares for her; keeps her sheltered, watered, fed and clean. When the young woman finally comes to, Steve is shocked when he realises that she is actually scarlet johansson . It t…

Area 51 One late afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally conv…