Airplane Jokes

The Germanwings plane was a lot like a small flame used as an ignition source You know, 'cause it was a pilot light

Talked to A Pilot Two days ago I was flying home from Florida and there was a lot of turbulence. So as we were disembarking and the flight attendants/pilots were saying there usual ""thank you for flying our airline"" and as I was passing by the pilot said ""I'm sorry for the bumpy ride."" I responded ""No worries, at least you weren't locked out by your co-pilot.""

The story of the co-pilot shows what happens if you don't deal with depresion You will just bring down others

JET FUEL ALCOHOLICS Two airplane mechanics named Bob and Tim work at Atlanta airport. Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Bob and Tim have nothing to do. After work Bob and Tim usally have a drink on their way home, so Bob says to Tim, ""I heard that you can get a buzz off drinking jet fuel."" Since they have nothing better to do, they try it. Finally, their shift is over and they get to go home. Next morning Bob calls Tim and says, ""How are you feeling?"" Tim s…

What do you call a black pilot? A glitch in the matrix

Knock Knock Who's there? The Pilot

Say what you will about that pilot... ...but at least he died doing what German's love most. Mass murdering innocent people.

A while ago, I had an idea for a movie about the invention of the airplane It's been really hard getting it off the ground

Airline food is getting worse and worse The passengers on the Germanwings flight said it tasted like they were literally eating rocks.

airplane food whats up with that?

Got an email from an airline inviting me to""Discover America"". I've replied with a link to the Wikipedia page about Christopher Columbus.

The Man and the Shaggy Dog Once upon a time, a man decided to climb a mountain. He took a nasty fall, badly bruising himself, and landed in the woods next to a shaggy-haired dog. Despite his injuries, he limped back to his house, where he left the dog, then to the nearest hospital, where he got some x-rays. When he got home, the dog looked hungry, so he made a steak just for the dog, and turned on the television. He was just about to call the pound when he heard that a wealthy couple, on vacatio…

Plane is running out of fuel... Plane is running out of fuel and the pilot and co-pilot are discussing what to do. To get most of the passengers home safely, they decided to throw some of them off the plane to reduce the weight. But who to throw off the plane? So they decided to do it alphabetically. Pilot: ""Please all African-Americans jump off the plane."" All is quiet. Pilot: ""Please all the Black people jump of the plane."" Everything is quiet again. Pilot: ""Please all Coloured people jum…

Why did the airplane fall out of the sky? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

How to get found when lost on an Island ? Rajesh and Mona are flying to Australia to celebrate their anniversary when suddenly, over the PA system, the Pilot announces, ""Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued as it is a totally unknown island. So we may have t…

What's up in the sky, oh so high? A baby falling out of an airplane.

Fifty Bucks Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Buddy would say, Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.' Edna always replied, I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks' One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said, Edna, I'm 85 years old... If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.' To this, Edna replied, ""Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty …

Three guys are on a plane An American, a French and a Mexican are on a plane when suddenly the pilot speaks through the intercom. ""I have some bad news. We've lost all communication and navigation systems. We can't land so you're going to have to skydive out of this plane."" The three guys start freaking out. ""How are we gonna know when to jump?!"" said the American guy. Then the French guy then sees the Eiffel Tower through the window. ""Well guys, this is my stop"" and he jumps out. Minutes …

What do you call a Mexican that flies a plane? A pilot, you racist!

Kessel Run With his latest crash, Harrison Ford has become the first pilot to complete the Kessel Run in 12 over Par-secs.

Up in the Air They start eyeing each other, and both realize they want to do the same thing. He slips a condom out of his pocket, and she looks delighted. Rear toilet? He suggests. Five minutes, she agrees and goes off. He waits five minutes, then goes and slips in there with her. ""Right, get that condom on"" she says. Soon, they are both sighing with pleasure. But a sharp eyed stewardess has noticed them, and realized what they are up to. So, she humiliates them by making an announcement over …

What do you call a model flying an airplane full of animals? Zoolander

Obama, Biden, and Clinton sit in a plane.. Obama looks out the window and says to the other two, ""Ive been thinking. I wish I could do more to help these people; they deserve so much!"" He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a $100 bill. He says, ""If I drop this out the window, I can make somebody really happy!"" Biden clears his throat and says, ""Excuse me Mr. President, but I can do you one better."" He pulls out ten $10 bills and continues, ""I can drop ten of these out the window and ma…

legendary joke a guy walks in to abar and he goes, he goes hey thats not airplane food, how about that weather?

A four hour flight... An airplane took of from Gander, Newfoundland heading for Toronto, a four hour flight. After about twenty minutes in the air there was an announcement on the P.A. system: ""Ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain. We have just lost power on our number one engine, but there is no reason to be alarmed. This is a modern three engine transport jet and we can fly safely with two engines. However, due to the loss of power, our 9:00 o'clock arrival time has been set back to 10:3…