I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me in the back.

VERY angry at @united flight attendant who REFUSED to let me ride as a lap baby

Eating a meal on an airplane makes me feel like a Tyrannosaurus rex who has to operate on a baby.

Little boy to airline pilot: ""You're a pilot?!?!? That must be exciting."" Pilot: ""Not if I do it right.""