United States Jokes

Two Mexicans are lost in a desert after crossing into the United States... They are wandering aimlessly and starving

The United States ruined Hiroshima. Which American city did Japan ruin? Detroit

a soldier finds himself outside after night fall A soldier finds himself outside his base of operations in a foreign country after night fall. He managed to find himself back at the main gate of entry but was unable to produce any physical evidence that he was in fact born and raised in the USA. The guard at the gate was not allowed to let anyone in who wasn't a citizen of the United States. The solider suggested that the guard ask him a few questions to prove in nationally. The guard then repl…

Bacon Tree Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States

A Chinese man goes to the bank A Chinese man that just moved to the United States goes to a bank to exchange his yuan for US dollars. He gives the teller 100 yuan and the teller exchanges it for $100. He thanks the teller and leaves.

The President of the United States and the Prime minister of China are comparing their bodyguards. The president orders his secret service agent to jump off a 40 foot platform. The agent heisitates and does so.

I just read that 25% of women in the United States take medication for mental illness... That's scary! Why do we let 75% of them run around untreated??

Death sentance. A train conductor carrying millions of dollars of raw materials across the United States falls asleep on the job. Missing a crucial interchange

When the US elects President Susan Goldfarb ... The year is 2032 and the United States has elected the first woman President

The United States has such bad luck It's almost as if it was build on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Foreigner buys a hotdog A man from overseas comes for a vacation to the United States for the first time with his cousin. One day

Why in the United States

The Pope visits The United States... and is being driven in a Limousine. Having never drove one

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States... Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend. "Which part did you get?"

A mugger Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!" "In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

What town in the continental United States produces the most alligator pears per year?,"Avo CA does.

why doesn't mexico have an olympic team?,"because everybody that can run swim or jump in in the united states...

What's the difference between the United States and a yogurt?,"That after 200 years, a yogurt can actually build a community. Haha happy late 4th of July.

Why are there so few Mexican athletes in the Olympics?,"Because most of them who can run jump or swim are already in the United States.

How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?,"Just kidding you can't change anything in the United States.

Is it really 2016?,"Is it really 2016? I mean Tarzan is playing in theaters, Pokemon is a craze and a Clinton is running for President of the United States.

Why doesn't the United States have to worry about a North Korean nuclear missile attack? we have the Iron Giant

Prior to officially becoming a part of the United States, what was Oregon like? It was very unOregonized.

What town in the continental United States produces the most alligator pears per year? Avo, CA does.

why doesn't mexico have an olympic team? because everybody that can run, swim or jump in in the united states...