Third Man Jokes

Three deeply devout men were killed in a tragic car accident while on their way to church... The three men awoke in front of a fountain with the great Gates of Heaven in the far distance. Standing in front of the fountain was an angel, wearing a seemingly dissatisfied smile. "You three men have been so devout for your entire lives that you have never succumbed to sin." The men felt as though this was a compliment and smiled, until the angel corrected them. "The Lord will not allow you to dri…

Three old men Three elderly men were at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor asked the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor said to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday", he replied. Then the doctor asked the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine", he answered. "That's great!" said the doctor. "How did you get that answer?” "Easy," said the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

Three men are being interviewed for a job at the same time The interviewer says "Alright, you can get the job if you can come up with a sentence with the words green, pink and yellow." First man replies "Well that's easy, my favorite colors are green, pink and yellow." Interviewer smiles and says "You're hired!" The second man scoffs and says "I saw a bird that was green, pink and yellow." Interviewer says "You got it!" Finally, the third man thinks for a while until he says "The phone ran…

When the Romans Conquered Britain In the mid 1st century CE one of the problems they did not anticipate was the rampant fraud being conducted in the bronze trade. Tradesmen who shaped the metal would buy it from merchants who bought it from the miners in the form of bars of bronze, already mixed from copper and tin. The issue was that many bars were of inferior quality possessing too much tin which resulted in brittle bronze. The merchants of course would say that they had been told it was goo…

A man is sitting at a bus stop, and there is another man sitting next to him. Suddenly another man comes up to the second guy and says "E-E-Excuse me, s-sir. C-Co-Could you p-p-please gi-give me d-directions t-to-to the n-ne-nearest gro-grocery s-st-store?" The man didn't say anything. He just sat there, looking at him, stress on his face. After a moment the third man comes up to the first man and asks him the same question. The first man gave him the dieections, the third man thanked him and…

The Genie (sorry if this has been posted before) Three friends are stranded on a desert island. All they want is to go home, but no ships have passed by and they are quite alone in the middle of nowhere. One day, one of them digs a hole and, to his surprise, pulls out a lamp. "Maybe it's a magic lamp. Rub it and let's see if a genie appears!" one of the men shouts. The man who found it gently wipes the grit from the lamp and, to his astonishment, smoke pours from the spout to curl around their …

The Meaning of Easter Three men tragically died in a car accident and found themselves at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter told them, “You may be glad to know that, because there aren’t a lot of people qualifying for admission these days, we’ve lowered the standards. Just tell me the meaning of Easter, and you’re in.” The first guy says, “Easter is when we decorate a tree, sing carols, and Santa brings us presents…” St. Peter says, “That’s Christmas. You go to Hell.” The second guy says, “East…

3 Men are waiting in line to go to Hell… The Devil decides he’s going to have a little fun and says, “Look, you don’t have to go to hell IF you’re able to stump me with an unachievable task.” Each guy started brewing up a plan to try and deceive the devil. One of them is ready and says, “Okay, Devil. I died in an explosion. I task you with finding the picture that was in my pocket when I died.” The Devil immediately got to work. He swooped down to Earth and found the man’s death site. He f…

Three men were hiking through a forest.... When they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: ' God, please give me the strength to cross the river. Poof!!! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice. After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river'. Poof!!! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and stro…

Three men are standing at the pearly gates Saint Peter asks the first one, "Why should I let you into heaven?" The man replies, "Well, I've always tried to be a good husband and father. I never lied and I never cheated." Saint Peter says, "Very well," and lets him through. He asks the second man the same question, to which he responds, "Well, I never killed anybody. And I donated $20 to the animal shelter." Saint Peter lets him through. He turns to the third man and says, "I looked through y…

Three old men are sitting around complaining about againg The first man says "Damn is it hard being old. I wake up at 7:00 every morning and it feels like it takes me an hour just to pee. "I hear ya," says the second man "I wake up at 8:00 every morning and it seems like I spend an hour on the crapper." "That's nothing," says the third man "Every morning at 7:00 I piss like a racehorse, and poop like a goose at 8." "That sounds great, why are you complaining?" ask the other two men. "Proble…

Three men are in a Russian prison cell. The first man says, "I'm here because I criticized Igor Girkin." The second man says, "I'm here because I spoke in favor of Igor Girkin." The third man says, "I'm Igor Girkin."

Three Men Find a Genie Three men were walking along the street when one of them spotted an old lamp on the side of the road. Picking it up and rubbing it they were surprised to find a genie appear. "You get one wish," The genie said. "I offer wealth, wisdom or power." "I choose wealth." Said the first man. "I choose power," said the second. "I choose wisdom," said the third. Many years later the men met again at a diner to discuss the results of their wishes. The first man spoke. "I…

Three guys enter a restaurant They heard that in this particular restaurant, the waiter would sing their customer a little song every time they give out their order. Hearing this, the guys each make their order. Then, after waiting a while, the waiter arrives with one of the firest guy's food and a little song to accompany it. "Hello fellow customer, grab your knife and fork, be sure to give your finest tip to the man who pulled your pork\~" He sang, before serving the man his pulled pork. T…

Golf Three men are out on the golf course. The first tees off and slices the ball straight into the water hazard. The second man is like, “Oof, tough luck, Moses!” Moses replies, “No worries.” He walks over, waves his driver at the water, and it parts. He finds his ball and plays on. The second guy tees off and also hits it right in the water. Moses laughs and says, “Haha, didn’t learn anything, did you, Jesus?” Jesus laughs, walks out over the water, finds his ball, and plays through. The…

Three men are in prison in Soviet Russia... ... And they start explaining how they wound up in prison. The first man says, "I was five minutes late to work, so I was arrested for sabotaging Soviet productivity." The second man says, "I was five minutes early so I was arrested for espionage, spying on Russian industrial secrets." The third man says, "I was exactly on time to work, so I was arrested for owning a foreign made watch."

A joke for all the old geezers..... A doctor is sent to a nursing home to test the minds and memories of the residents. To save time, she interviews them in groups of three. The first group she meets with consists of three men. Turning to the first one, she asks, “What’s nine times thirteen?” “That would be four hundred and six,” the man replies. Without giving any indication that his answer is wrong, she turns to the second man. “What do you think, sir? What’s nine times thirteen?” “That’s…

three couples are sitting down for some evening tea one of the three men says to his wife “can you pass the sugar, sugar?” the second husband thinks it’s cute how his friend called his wife “sugar” while asking for the sugar. not wanting to be outdone he attempts to one-up his friend by sweetly asking his own wife, “can you pass the honey, honey?” the third man now feels there is an expectation for him to say something cute to his wife. so he clears his throat and asks her” can you pass the …

Babies Three men are sitting in a waiting room in a hospital. Their wives were having a baby. The doctor goes to the first man and says: "Congratulations you have twins!" "That's funny, because I work at Double Fudge ice cream shop!" replies the man. The doctor goes to the second man and says: "Congratulations! You have triplets!" "That's funny, because I work at Three Kings Inn!" Replies the second man. The third man was sweating, and flipping out. The two other men ask: "What's wrong…

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle,” he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "Th…

Recent political joke circulating in China Three men who don’t know each other sits in a prison cell. Each explains why he was arrested. The first man said: “I opposed covid testing.” The second man said: “I supported covid testing.” The third man said: “I administered the covid tests.”

Three people die; a doctor, school teacher, and the head of a large insurance company. When met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the doctor, "what did you do on Earth?" The doctor replied, "I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free." St. Peter told the Doctor, "You may go in." St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, "I taught educationally challenged children." St. Peter then told her "You may go in." St. Peter asked the third man…

So... two guys are walking through the desert and they find this deep hole. The first guy says "That looks like a deep hole." The second guy says "That looks like a REALLY deep hole. Let's check it out." He picks up a small rock and throws it in. The rock goes Bang bang ^bang .... They agree. It is deep. They pick up a rock the size of a bowling ball and throw it in. The rock goes THUD Thud thud ^thud^.... "Wow" says the first guy. The first guy and the second guy pick up an old ra…

The oldest joke I know. Three men are working on a building site. Every day, they sit down to eat their lunch together at the top of the building. The first man opens his lunchbox to reveal a ham sandwich. “By god” the man exclaims, “I hate ham sandwiches. I’ve been working in construction for twenty years and every day, despite me telling her how much I despise it, my wife gives me a ham sandwich. If I get a ham sandwich in my lunch again, I will throw myself off the top of this building a…

the judge once again asked how he had convinced so many young people. The third man responded ""Well I told them that the small circle represented the size of their anus before they were placed in prison...""