Third Man Jokes

3 guys die and go to heaven... St. Peter was at the gate and said, "However faithful you were to your wife, that will determine the vehicle you will get in heaven". The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife; she was the love of my life and I told her every day. ". St. Peter smiled and handed him the keys to a brand spanking new Ferrari. The next man stepped forward and said, "I cheated on my wife just once. It was the biggest regret of my life, and I sti…

A joke my father told me years ago... Once there was an Indian Chief named Big Chief No-Fart. His claim to fame was that he would never, ever fart. Every day, people came from miles around to test Big Chief No-Fart and see if they could be the ones to finally make him break wind. Yet Big Chief No-Fart did not fart. One day a group of men came to witness Big Chief No-Fart's powers. One of the Chief's guards greeted the men. A man said, "I know what will make Big Chief No-Fart fart. Here is a ca…

Three men are standing before a judge. The judge asks the first man why he was arrested. " I blew bubbles in the park.", the man said. "That is not a crime. You are free to go.", the judge replies. He then asks the second man why he was arrested. "I also blew bubbles in the park.", he said. The judge said that he didn't break the law and was free to go. The judge then ask the third man why he was arrested. "I'm Bubbles."

Three men turn up at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. Saint Peter asks the three men: ' Did you commit any adultery during your lifetime?' 'NEVER! I have lived a pure and virtuous life!', The first man shouts. 'All right, you may enter heaven en drive a golden Ferrari for eternity!', Saint Peter says. The second man says: ' Well you know... I've had a fling with my secretary. But, I am remorseful'. 'For this sin, you shall drive a golden Ford for all eternity', Saint Peter says. The third man s…

The Vagrants Five men were brought in front of a judge on charges of vagrancy, public indecency and solicitation. They insisted, however, that they were just looking for work. "What do you do?", the judge asked the first man. “I’m a cork soaker.” The judge blinked. “Pardon?” “I’m a cork soaker. I worked at a wine bottling plant, soaking corks in water and making sure they fit the wine bottles perfectly when we sealed them up.” “Okay, what about you?”, the judge asked the second man. …

Four men are waiting for their wives in a marital ward. edit: maternity ward, sorry my vocab is crap They're all very anxious about becoming a father. After waiting some time, the doctor appears and congratulates the first man. "Congratulations, your wife had twins!" The man was relieved, but was a bit surprised. "What a coincidence," he told the doctor. "I work for the Minnesota Twins!" Some time later again, the doctor comes out and congratulates the second man. "Congratulations, your …

Three men and the Devil. Three men are traveling on a ship, when they are accosted by the Devil. The Devil proposes that if each man drops something into the sea and he cannot find it, he will be that man’s slave. If the Devil does find it, however, he will eat that man up. The first man drops a pure, clear diamond, and immediately gets eaten. The second drops an expensive watch, trying to impress the Devil, and gets eaten. The third man fills a bottle with water and pours it into the sea …

Pot of chili nsfw So there are four gay men, three of which are all involved with the last, we'll call him "Freddie". One day Freddie becomes ill and dies of the HIV. Before the funeral, the three gay men meet at the bar to decide the best way to handle the financial part of the ceremonies. They quickly agree that the smartest way to go about it would be to cremate and divide the ashes, thus being able to remember their lost lover however they so choose. After a few hours of drinking and speaki…

Three men go to heaven, and St. Peter says they are full.... ...so they are transported down to hell. The devil, being a reasonable guy, apologizes for the mistake, and promises to set each man up with a room filled with whatever they want. The first man asks for a room full of chocolate, which the devil procures, and closes the door behind him. The second man asks for a room full of beautiful women, the devil agrees, and shows him into the room. The third man requests a room full of Marijuana.…

Three men were standing in line waiting to get into heaven Three men were standing in line waiting to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to c…

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St Peter asks, ‘How do these …

Three men die and go to heaven. God tells the men that if they do not step on a duck, he will give them a hot wife. The first man goes and steps on a duck and is taken to his ugly wife. The second man does the same and is also taken to an ugly wife. The third man was determined not to do anything so he didn't move. Eventually God came back with a hot woman and the man asked, "What did I do to deserve this?" God replied, "You did nothing, she just stepped on a duck."

3 Men With Parkinson's. Three men with Parkinson's are sitting in a bar, and one says to the other two, "Eurgh, life is so hard, it took me ten minutes to open my front door his morning!" Another says, "You think you have it hard? It took me fifteen minutes to butter some toast!" To which the third man replies "You guys have it easy, I came three times trying to take a piss!"

Three guys are in a hospital waiting room Each of them has a wife in labor and is anxiously awaiting the arrival of their bundle of joy. The nurse comes out and says to the first man, "Congratulations...your wife has given birth to twins!" The man says, "Wow, that is such a blessing. Twins! Imagine that! You know what's funny, though? I work for the Minnesota Twins, so that's kind of a coincidence!" Five minutes later the nurse returns and says to the second guy, "Congratulations! Your…

Three men die in a car crash They find themselves at the gates of Heaven. Saint Peter approaches them, saying "Okay, you'll get a vehicle for getting around Heaven depending on your faithfulness to your spouse". The first man says "I never cheated on my wife, and I love her". He gets a Ferrari. The second man says "I cheated on my wife once, but I still love her". He gets a horse. The third man says "I cheated on my wife a couple times, but I still love her". He gets a scooter. Soon after b…

After committing very heinous crimes, three men are sentenced to 20 years of solitary confinement. However, they are allowed to have *one* form of luxury for their sentence. The first man requests a large stack of legal textbooks for his cell. The second man asks for a large stack of medical textbooks. The third man, on the other hand, requests 200 packs of cigarettes. 20 years have passed, and the three men are each released. The first man looks very pleased with himself and says to the w…

A guy walks into a doctor's waiting room... A guy goes into a doctor's waiting room, and sees four old men. One of them suddenly shouts "39", and the others all start laughing. "That's strange", he thought. " 23", shouts another man, again followed by hysterics. "46" a third man shouted followed by further laughter. "Why does everyone keep laughing at these numbers?" the guy asked. "We are regulars here, and tell the same jokes so often we decided to number them, watch this...17", and everyo…

3 men are arrested at a public pool, and go to court The first man steps up to the defendant's stand, and the judge says to him: "State your name and crime." So the first man says: "my name is Billy your honour, and I was just blowing bubbles in the pool." So the judge says "well Billy, that is a bit weird, but perfectly legal. You're free to go." So Billy leaves the courtroom, and the next man is called up "My name is Bobby your honour, and I was also just blowing bubbles in the pool." …

Three men are serving jail time in East Germany. As they wait for time to pass, they eventually talk about why they were imprisoned. The first one says: "Everyday, I got to work five minutes early, so they condemned me for espionage!" The other two ask the second man. He says: "Everyday, I got to work 5 minutes late, so they condemned me for sabotage!" Men number one and two are getting curious about the third man. Upon asking him, he says: "Everyday, i got to work exactly in time, so th…

Three men and a Wizard are on a plane. Three men and a Wizard are on a plane, and the engines start to fail. The men begin to panic and the Wizard tells them, "If you jump out of the plane, and yell something, you'll turn into it." The men, a little sketched out, decide to try it. The first man jumps out, and yells, "EAGLE!" The man turned into an eagle. The second man jumps out, and yells, "PIGEON!" The man turned into a pigeon. The third man gets a running start and trips out of the plan…

Three men appear in heaven Three men appear in heaven at the same time. They approach the pearly gates when they're stopped by St. Peter. "Woah, woah, woah! Sorry, heaven's been a bit busy today and we're starting to get overcrowded. The Big Man told me I'm only allowed to let people who died sad deaths in today. If you can tell me how you died, and I think it's pitiful enough, I'll let you in." "I'll tell my story first," says one man. "So, I'd been pretty certain lately that my wife had bee…

Three little people are sitting at a bar. The first little person says, "I have pretty small feet, more so than anybody else I know. In fact, I think I could make the Guinness World Record for smallest feet." The second says, "I have never met a grown man as short as I am. I think I'll go to apply with Guinness for the 'world's shortest man' award." The third says, "Mine is better than both of yours. Do you see these hands? I bet you've never seen hands this small before. They're going right …

A joke my dad used to tell my brother and me. Long but worth it IMO. Three men die and find themselves in a waiting room outside the gates of heaven. An angel enters the room and says, "hey guys. We've had a really busy day. A lot of good people died today and we are almost at capacity for the day. However, if you explain how you died, maybe I can make some room for you." The first man walks up to the angel and says, "well it all started a few weeks ago. I was having suspicions that my wife …

A bad day Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartme…

There were three old men playing golf... and they each decided to start bragging about their adult sons. The first man says: "I'm so proud of my son, he is a very successful car salesman that owns his own lot, and gave one of his friends a brand new Porsche." The second man says: "That's impressive, but my son is a successful real estate owner, and gave one of his friends a house on a private beach." The third man sighs, and says to the other two: "Wow that's very impressive. I hate to say …