Sports Jokes

"This team looks good," said my son of the somewhat browner soccer team who were not yet playing soccer. #racist

Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.

6th grade nurse: do you play baseball Me: uhh why Nurse: your right arm is so much stronger than- Me: oh yeah! Yeah I play baseball so much

When my family says things like...why don't you have kids yet? I say "Because I didn't get drunk & do the football team, Sasha."

83% of white folks stressing about their court dates are referring to tennis.

good baseball player nicknames if they weren't already taken: - batman - hitler

Legally, if a woman is wearing hoop earrings that are as big as the side of her face, you are allowed to hurl a basketball at her head.

Alex: This term indicates a zero score in tennis. Contestant: What is love? *dance party erupts*

Nah mate, when the Americans talk about football they mean that silly game where the fat men dress up as Transformers

What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team? The guy would survive the first round.

I'm developing an app that makes a cricket sound effect at the end of my coworkers' stories.

Playing mini-golf with your family is a fun way to spend thirty-two dollars to watch your kid throw 18 tantrums in a row.

Me: Off to adult school recess! Boss: it's called lunch.. Me: *runs by dribbling basketball with two hands

If I throw my son a baseball, he drops it. A football, he fumbles. But if I toss him a cell phone, my man has a sick one handed, no look.

"What if a third team came and attacked these two teams?" - my daughter, not understanding football/making football more awesome

Don't care about baseball, but I love apple pie. Can I still be an American?

[Tim Burton tries baseball] COACH [rubs eyes]Got it now T: Yes C: Ok. Pitch T: A dark haunted tale starring Johnny De- C: I'm gonna kill him

First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.

Cinderella was thrown off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball.

[g/friends dad] "who in your opinion is the greatest football player of all time?" Me - [say a real name say a real name] "Football Man"

If you carry a baseball bat in your car, you should carry a glove too. Your lawyer will thank you.

Not to sound like a total jock but who won baseball this month?

It's an unwritten rule in girls' soccer that each team must have at least one Katie on the field at all times.

I received a basketball in the mail from Amazon. I haven't played basketball in 20 years but apparently drunk me thinks I'm Michael Jordan.

Thank God football is back on. I've been watching baseball for months and it's only the 7th inning.