Sports Jokes

I just put on my khakis and found a golf tee in the pocket, which may be the whitest thing to ever happen to anyone.

My neighbor's looking at me like she's never seen a guy stuck in her doggy door before. And what's with the screaming? And the golf club?!

This Viagra show looks cool but they keep cutting away to football

Golf, except there's no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.

Twilight is like soccer. They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores, and its millions of fans insist you just don't understand.

Pregnant white women over 30 always buy the biggest SUV around, because you never know when you'll give birth to half of a baseball team.

Dr: So, how did you dislocate your shoulder? Me: I panicked when the blood pressure machine at the store got tigh- I mean football..

Richmond's baseball team had midget wrestling last night, if anyone's looking for a city with rich culture and a progressive vibe.

Ppl really messing with football players on twitter like they're not one concussion away from waiting for u in ur darkened house

I spent the day in nature and by nature I mean drinking beer on a golf course. I saw a butterfly.

I accidentally watched 2 minutes of golf and my pants turned plaid!

New rule for football: when a player is at the bottom of a pile after being tackled everyone on top has to whisper to him a compliment

"Love" means never having to say "I'm scoreless at tennis"

Whenever I hear a Mexican talking excitedly, I always imagine him explaining food, soccer or that someone is stuck in a barbed wire fence.

Instead of throwing the first pitch, it'd be fun if Presidents had to quarterback the first play of a football game.

If I win the Powerball, I'm going to make golf illegal.

Going to my daughter's middle school basketball game. In light of recent events, I've asked her to leave the guns at home.

1.25pm: Do you love me more than football? 4.25pm: Yes, of course.

"The ankle so important to a basketball player." Something the announcer just said.

I don't think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her

*golf pro picks up his ball and eats it* *audience claps politely*

after my son won his soccer game, his teammate invited us over to celebrate. it was father, son, and the goalie host

They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.

If tennis rules were chasing the ball and bringing it to your opponent without letting him have it, my dog would be the best in the world.

Thank you, baby Jesus for helping my favorite sports team instead of saving people from a tsunami. You must really love baseball.