Sports Jokes

Wifey is pregnant again. She wants a girl but I want a black guy so I have someone to play basketball with.

Please, baseball fans. Enthrall me with complex details about a game where someone hits the ball with a stick and runs around in a circle.

There's a cricket living outside my apartment. I'm all "Cricket, it's winter, shouldn't you die?" and he's all "Chirp!" and we laugh.

"son, I've had to throw my golf socks out" "Why dad? cos you got... A HOLE IN ONE? HAHA" "No son. I killed a man. They're covered in blood"

Got a white noise app to help me sleep but its just a recording of guys talking about golf, Dockers, Whole Foods, & the new Coldplay album..

I don't play fantasy football, but I do play fantasy friendship. This week I'm starting Taylor Swift and Conan O'Brien.

It takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do.

pope: love all *everyone cheers* *he serves a tennis ball right into the crowd* pope: fifteen-love

Was out on the golf course and shot an eagle at Hole 9. Mom doesn't believe me, but wait till she sees the eagle.

My favorite part of football is when players "look to God." Because He's all, "I can't do shit for the Middle East but I'm rooting for YOU."

i drive the golf carts in gta most because i was never allowed to in real life. i also stab chairs because im not allowed to do that either

To the woman that told her husband to "bite my ballsack" at the store today,I golf clapped because you won life.

13: I have a friend that doesn't like baseball, chocolate, or bacon. Me: Pretty sure that's not a friend, bro.

"Oh my god! That guy's dead! Oh wait, he's totally fine." (someone watching soccer for the first time)

If you really think about it. Its kind of weird "yoga pants" are worn so much. That's like a guy wearing baseball pants to go get groceries

A modern recasting of Moses floating down a river in a wicker basket but it's a soccer mom forgetting her baby on the roof of her van.

I had an hour to kill so I watched the last two minutes of a basketball game today

[first day as aquarium guide] Me: & here's 8 snakes biting a soccer ball Guy: that's an octopus Me [sighs]: fine. 8 snakes biting an octopus

How does a cricket know if his joke has bombed?

Cats are about as useful as a football bat.

If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn't 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?

Football is so cute it's like some guys are like we're gonna get you and one guys like no no no no

My new career path: 1. Learn soccer 2. Move to Ghana 3. Become the Jackie Robinson of Ghanaian soccer

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING. YOU SUCK." I yell at the football player in the TV as I'm sitting on a couch having cake

I have just endorsed Andy Murray on LinkedIn for tennis.