Sports Jokes

My brother and I replaced the tennis balls on Nana's walker with superballs and watching her bounce down the steps was a kodak moment.

WIFE:Someone's broken in ME *grabs baseball bat*Wait here [downstairs] PAL:Can't u just tell her u wanna play baseball M: Keep ur voice down

You know you're getting old when you sound like a women's tennis match just trying to get out of bed.

Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf

My trainer suggested I get a tennis ball to message my back. I got it, but it just sits there. How do you make it go?

friend: what are your plans for The Purge? [imagines broadcasting a football game w/o express written consent of the NFL] me: do a murder

Golf is probably fun if you like walking around outside in business casual.

OK, if you get to refer to your favorite football team as "we," then I definitely get to refer to the cast of Friends as "we."

I hired a pizza chef as my new golf coach. One way or another the dude is gonna fix my slice.

I'd catch a gently thrown tennis ball for you.

I'm on pace to see 3.7 million Aflac commercials this college football season.

I got picked on in Highschool: I was cut from the football team & failed the cheerleading tryouts on the same day they fired me as principal

Satan: And this is the TV room. Me: This isn't so bad. *turns on TV* *only thing showing is golf*

"See that guy over there? I have to serve him with papers today." -Oh really? Why? "Because I lost my tennis racquet."

The safest place to stand when I hit a golf ball, is directly in front of me..

Justin Bieber made a racist joke when he was 15. Quick, someone give him $2 billion for his basketball team to teach him a lesson.

cop: "sir im afraid your dog is too cool for this neighbourhood" me: [turns his little baseball cap round right way] cop: "ok that's better"

Computer: Login failed. Did you forget your password? Me: oh shi-- [Cut to my password waiting alone on the side of a soccer field]

Watching my son's soccer game in the cold and rain cuz I'm a good Mom. From my heated car cuz I'm not a total idiot.

Almost all of the guys I drafted for my fantasy football team are football players which I think was a smart move

*pretty girl walks by and doesn't make eye contact* She must be intimidated that I manage a fantasy football team that is 8-1

You know those little helmet stickers some football teams use to reward personal achievement? Bald guys should do that.

I don't need a football game to get drunk and scream at my television.

"how'd your football team football today?" those footballers footballed quite well...really good footballin'

Instead of God, try worshipping a golf cart for a few years and see if it makes any difference.