Mick Jokes

So Mick Jagger has a pet frog... The frog decides he wants to buy a nice boat and sail the Caribbean, but he needs to take out a loan to pay for it. So he goes to the bank and talks to Ms. Paddiwack, the personal banker, about getting a loan. He explains that he is Mick Jagger's frog and all about the boat. Ms. Paddiwack asks him if he has any collateral for the loan. ""Oh, yes!"" the frog says, and he hands her a tiny, pink carving of an elephant. Ms. Paddiwack goes to her boss and says, ""Sir,…

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating Ireland's football victory. Mick, the bartender, says ""You'll not be drinking any more tonight, Paddy"" Paddy replies ""OK Mick, I'll be on me way then."" Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. ""Shoite"" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. ""Shoite, Shoite!"" He looks to the doorway…

A frog walks into a bank, and approaches the teller... He sees the tellers name tag reads Patty Black and says ""I'd like to take out a loan, Ms. Black"" ""Certainly,"" says the teller, ""how much would that be for?"" ""One million dollars."" replies the frog. ""Don't worry, it's ok, I know the manager."" The teller is understandably taken aback by this, and asks if the frog has any collateral to cover this. ""As a matter of fact, I do!"" says the frog, and he reaches into his pocket and hands o…

Paddy and Mick are walking along the street when Mick falls down an open manhole. Paddy: ""Mick, ye alright? Whadd'ye see down there?"" Mick: ""I'm fine aye, but it's too dark to see. Have ye a match?"" Paddy: ""Aye, here you go."" Mick: ""... This match isn't working!"" Paddy: ""That's funny, it worked when I used it.""

BIRD BRAINED Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Sean says to Paddy; ""Dat''s Dem"". The shopkeeper comes over and asks if he can help. ""Yeah, we''ll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere"", says Mick, ""Put dem in a pepper bag"" The shopkeeper does as asked and the two pay for the birds and leave. They get into Mick''s van and drive until they reach a cliff with a 500ft drop. ""Dis looks loike a grand place"", says Mick. He then takes the t…

Paddy and Mick are at a job interview for a labourer by a builder Paddy goes first and is asked, ""If you lost an eye, what would you be?"" He answers, ""Half blind."" Then he was asked, ""What would you be if you lost both eyes?"" He answers, ""Blind.""... Builder says, ""Great, you got the job - send Mick in."" Mick over heard the interview and thinks, ""Great, I'll just give the same answers."" The builder asks, ""If you lost an ear, what would you be?"" Mick says, ""Half blind."" Then was as…

Two Irishmen walk along a road.... ...and they see a man leaning over a bridge...on closer inspection they see he's holding the feet of another man who's arms are dangling in the river below. ""What are you doing?""asks Paddy ""Fishing,"" replies the man..""...we wait for a big fish to come along then tickle it....as it is tickled it jumps out of the water, my friend catches it and then pull him up....watch."" Paddy and Mick watch for a while and sure enough, after 5 mins the man being held shou…

Kermit Jagger A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. ""Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."" Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, ""Sure. I have this,"" and produces a tiny porcelain el…

Irish joke Paddy an Mick are sitting at the bus stop. They see a truck drive by loaded with turf. Paddy says to Mick 'That's while I'll do when I'm rich Mick' Paddy; 'Whats that Mick?' Mick; 'Send me grass away to get cut'

the real people to blame for 911 I heard it was two irish carpenter s paddy and mick fitting doors on the 60th floor paddy told mick to get a plain n take some of the top. Mick misinterpreted

the irish test pilot mick from Donegal was a test pilot during th second world war. He caused so many problems that the powers that be were relieved when they managed to get him sent to the far east to fight the japs. One day Micks ship was attacked by squadrons of zero's. Mick took off under heavy fire using superior flying skills he cleared the skies of the enemy. After performing a loop the loop and a victory roll he performed a perfect landing he swaggered up to the bridge and asked the capt…

Two Irish men renovating a house Paddy is pulling up the floorboards and placing the nails into two piles. Mick says ""Paddy, why are ye puttin the nails in two piles?"" To which Paddy replies, ""these ones I'm goin tae use again but those other ones are upside down"" Mick then says, ""Paddy you eedjit, ye can use them for the ceiling!""

Drunk Irishman Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. 'Damn' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, 'Damn, 'Damn !' He looks to the doorway and t…

Paddy says to Mick, ""Christmas is on a Friday this year"".... Mick says ""Let's hope it's not the 13th.""

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, "" You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy. Paddy replies, ""OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."" Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. ""Shoite"" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, ""Shoite, Shoite!"" He looks to the doorway and thinks…

Paddy 'n' Mick join the army and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody who's on the streets after 6 o'clock. So one day they're out at twenty to 6 when Paddy spots a man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up the man in his sights and shoots the man dead. Mick is shocked. ""What are you doin' Paddy? It ain't 6 yet!"" ""I know what I'm doin'. I know where he lives and he wouldn't have made it!""

Two Newfies landed themselves a job at a saw mill. Just before morning the one yelled ""Mick! I lost me finger!"" ""Have you now?"" says Mick. ""And how did you do it?"" ""I just touched this big spinning thing here... No! There goes another one!""

Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by. ""Help!"" Paddy shouted ""Oi'm sinkin'!"" Don't worry"" assured Mick. ""Next to the Strong Muldoon Oi'm the strongest man in Erin and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there."" Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts Mick said to Paddy ""Shure an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone mebbe but Oi'll have to get some help."" As Mic…

A little Irish humor Paddy and Mick were walking along a street in London. Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye. The sign read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair". Paddy said to his pal, "Mick look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of those and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thicko…

A black man starts work on a construction site. The other workers nickname him "Wog". Feeling upset by this, the black man goes to speak with the foreman. The foreman laughs and tells him, "But we all have nicknames. We've got Mick and Paddy, they're Irish. Wac from Liverpool. And Mack from Scotland". The black man was still not happy, so the foreman shouted at his men, "Mick, Mack, Paddy, Wac leave the Wog alone!"

Two friends join the SAS. Two friends, Pat and Mick, are trying to join the SAS. After doing all the training their commanding officer in charge tells them, "Now you two must realise that you have to do anything your commanding officer says no question asked, so Mick go into that room there", so Mick walks in. The officer then says to Pat, "Do you think you could kill a friend Pat?", to which Pat replies, "oh no I love all my friends" "WHAT DID I JUST SAY PAT!" "Yes sir!" Pat exclaims. The offi…

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV. Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi t'e hell do they do that?" "Do what?" asked Mick. "Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round t'e bends. Day after day, week after week. No matter if it's oicy, rainin?, snowin?, hailin? .. .. .. why would they torture themselves like that?" "Tis all for the prestige and the money," replied Mick, "You know the winner gets about a half a million Euros? "Yeah,…

Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador." ”Bugger that!" says Mick. "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

Logical conclusion... (longish) After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old cop…

Three guys called Mick, Pat and Tat were in a pub. The bartender asks them, "Are you all related?" Mick says "Yeah, we are triplets." Bartender says,"Well how come two of you are 6 ft tall and one is only 4 ft tall?" "Well" says Mick,"Me and Pat were always breast fed so there was no tit for Tat."