Paddy walks into a bar.... and orders his usual. As he's pouring out the Guiness, the bartender notices that Paddy looks distraught. Worried about his best customer, the bartender asks, ""What's the matter, Paddy? You're looking glum"". Paddy responds with a sigh and sips his Guiness. After a minute, Paddy tells the bartender the source of his dispair. ""I lost my best mate Mick today you see"", says Paddy. ""Oh dear Paddy. If you don't mind me asking, how did it happen?"" asked the bartender. P…

Biggest C##t competition Paddy and Mick talking in the pub, Mick says 'you are a cunt, you've always been a cunt and you always will be a cunt, everything about you makes you a cunt, an utter cunt and complete cunt. In fact if you entered a cunt competition you'd come 2nd' Paddy says 'why wouldn't I come first?' Mick replies '...because you're a cunt...'

Two Irishmen are going out for a drink... It was Friday night, and Mick and Seamus were trying to figure out where to go. ""I know!"" says Seamus, ""There's this great pub across town we ought to try."" ""What's so great about it?"" asks Mick. ""Well, when you first walk in the door, they give you a free drink. They you go upstairs for a free shag. When you get back downstairs, you can have another free drink. Then it's back upstairs for another free shag. You can go on all night, drinking for f…

Two Irish fellas staggering home from the pub one night.... They're walking past the bus depot and Paddy says to Mick, ""Mick, jump in there and steal a bus, we're far too drunk to be walking home"". Mick disappears into the bus depot, and 20mins later still no sign of Mick or a stolen bus. Paddy goes off to look for him. Paddy finds Mick wandering round the bus depot looking confused, ""What ye doing there Mick, I thought I told ye to get us a bus"". Mick says, ""Aye, but there's no No.42 Paddy…