First Man Jokes

There are four people on a crashing plane but only three parachutes... First man goes ""I am a leading heart surgeon one of the best in the world, my patients and country need me"". He takes the first parachute and jumps. Second man arrogantly goes ""I am brilliant rocket scientist, one of the smartest men alive the world needs me"". He takes the second parachute and jumps. The two people left in the plane are an old man and a ten year old Boy Scout. Old man goes ""Son I'm old and frail don't ha…

A fisherman ask another man if he has a light... The other man pulls out a very large Bic lighter. The first man ask "" Hey that's a nice lighter, where'd you get it?"" The man replies ,"" You see that there bridge on the other side of the lake? Well if you go stand on top and scream 'Genie genie come out' a genie will come out and grant you any wish."" Intrigued the fisherman makes his way to the top of the bridge. He screams, "" Genie genie come out"". Nothing happens. He stomps three times an…

Two Men were out fishing... ... when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies ""Yes I do!"" and hands the other a 25cm long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks ""Where did you get this?"" The guy replies ""Oh I have a personal genie."" The first man asks ""Can I make a wish? "" Sure says the other man ""Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"" ""Ok I will"" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the m…

[Long] A man brings his pit bull to a bar And he says ""I bet everyone in here $500 my dog can beat your dog in a fight!"" And so, a dozen or so men leave the bar for a few minutes. Once they come back, they're equipped with their money and their dogs, ready to see the challenge through. One by one, they bring their dogs to fight. They've got Great Danes, Rottweilers, Mastiffs, the lot. And one by one, the pit bull takes beats them, leaves them whimpering messes. Eventually, an old man approache…

two men are sitting in a bar One of them looks at the other and says ""you look familiar... whe're you from?"" The second man replies ""Ireland"" The first man look astonished and says "" No way I'm from Ireland me self , what a small world!"" The second man then looks at the first ""What city?"" The first man says ""Doublin?"" The second man looks astonished ""No way I'm from doublin me self ! What a small world"" The first man looks at the second man ""What school you go to?"" The second man r…

Three men are stranded in the desert... Survivors of a plane crash, the three men walk aimlessly in the hopes of finding the rest of humanity. Three days pass before they stumble on a door lying flat down in the sand next to a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, a genie flies out and introduces itself. ""My name is Hector, and I'm going to be your salvation. This door will be my assistant!"", explained the genie. ""Simply jump over this door, and shout whatever you'd like to magically transform into in…

A man goes into a bar with his dog. A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says ""You can't bring that dog in here!"" The guy, without missing a beat, says ""This is my seeing-eye dog."" ""Oh man, "" the bartender says, ""I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me."" The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says ""You can't bring that dog in …

Three car salesmen have a wreck on the way to work They all arrive at the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter says ""Let me ask you a question before admitting you to heaven."" To the first he says ""My son, while on Earth did you lead a good life?"" ""Oh yes, "" says the first man,"" I had thirty years of marriage to a wonderful woman and I was honest in business"" ""I see here in the book you're telling the truth"", says Saint Peter, ""here are your keys to a brand new Mercedes to drive in Heaven"" T…

Three Men Were Standing In Line To Get Into Heaven Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-han…

Three men are waiting their turn outside a brothel. The madame informs them that her establishment charges $10 for every inch. The first man walks in and comes back out when he is finished. ""How much were you charged?"" His friends ask. To which the man smiles and replies ""70 bucks."" rather proudly. The second man walks in and comes back out when he is finished. ""Well fellas"", he says ""I guess I can't be too mad for having to pay $60."" The third man walks in and takes his time. When he co…

Three men were trapped in a desert. Crying for God's help, they heard a voice from the sky... So the voice tells them, ""I shall give you one chance and one chance only to leave this place. Run to the top of that hill and yell what you want to become. You will then transform into what you yelled. After some thinking, the first man ran up to the top of the hill and yelled, ""Eagle!"" before soaring away. The next man, ran up and yelled, ""Snake!"" before slithering away. The last man ran up, trip…

Long - 2 Poets Two men arrive at the pearly gates, each claiming to be famous poets. St. Peter cannot believe they both are poets, so he decides to give them a test. He tells them to compose a poem of 4 lines, with the last word being Timbuktu. He gives them 30 minutes. After the time is up, the first man approaches. He has on a tweed jacket, with patches on the elbows. His hair is combed, and he has a pipe in his teeth. He recites this poem: Across the hot Sarah sands Rode the dusty craven Man …

The Devil's Occupation. Two men were watching the news, when a picture of the Devil flashed on to the screen. The first man turned to the second, and asked what it was all about. The second responded, ""It's the Devil. He's come up to Earth to perform even more evil."" Recoiling in shock, and fearing for his life, the first man asked, ""What's he doing?"" The other grinned. ""He's become a lawyer.""

A Fast Taxi Driver Three men walked out of a bar, terribly drunk. Because they lived in the same apartment building 10 blocks away, they hailed one taxi to share the ride. The taxi driver saw that the three men where thoroughly drunk and was planning on tricking them. He drove one block down the street and stopped, telling the men that they arrived. The first man thanked the taxi driver and paid for the ride. The second man, fumbling with his wallet accidentally tipped the driver $50. The taxi d…

The 3 men A king of a foreign land summons 3 men. He tells them ""bring me your favorite flower"" the first man brings a sunflower, and the king tell him to eat it, which he does with ease. The second man brings a rose, and the king tells him to eat it. While eating the rose,he's crying and hysterically laughing. The king asks, why are you crying. He answers"" because it's sharp"" then why are you laughing ? He aswers"" I saw the third guy hauling a giant cactus."" F.Y.I- this is a tamed version

18 daughters Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said ""no but you can sleep with the pigs."" the second man went to the father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said "" no but you can sleep with the cows."" the…

3 men walk into a hotel. Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said ""no but you can sleep with the pigs."" the second man went to the father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said "" no but you can sleep with the…

Three Nuns die in a car crash, and find themselves at the pearly gates. St. Peter stops them, stating ""Ladies, I appreciate your position, but there's a new policy in place from upstairs. To enter unto Heaven, you must demonstrate some knowledge of The Bible."" He asks the first Nun. ""Who was the first man?"" ""Oh! Adam, of course!"" she replies. ""You're in."" To the second ""Who was the first woman?"" ""Eve!"" ""Yep, you're in."" To the third, ""What's the first thing that Eve said to Adam?"…

Two men and a woman are stranded on an island after a plane crash. Resourceful, they waste no time, build a house, find food and water, and globally have it good. After one month, the woman goes to the two men and says: ""Okay guys, let's be frank. I have my needs, you have your needs, let's do it. We'll take turns, one day it's you"", she says to the first guy, ""and the other day it's the other"". And so they have a whale of time taking turns, enjoying their business together for one whole mon…

2 men meet as ghosts after death. The first man asks the second man, ""How did you die?"" The second man replies, "" I froze to death, and you?"" The first man says, "" I had a heart attack."" The second man asks, ""how could that have happened?"" First man says,"" I was gardening outside my house and heard an unusual sound and assumed by wife was cheating on me, rushing into the house I looked everywhere but could not find the man, feeling so ashamed of accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a h…

Three men were driving down a lonely country road one night Suddenly, the car broke down. One man was a mechanic, but try as he might, he couldn't get the car to start. They checked, but there was no cell phone reception for at least a hundred yards in every direction. Looking around, they saw a dim light far in the distance, and with no other option, they headed towards it. About halfway there, the wind was becoming fierce. A storm was brewing. They had a brief debate on whether or not to go ba…

Deaf Genies .... Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke. He asks the other guy if he has a lighter. He replies ""Yes I do!"" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter. Surprised the guy asks ""Where did you get this?"" The guy replies ""Oh I have a personal genie."" The first man asks ""Can I make a wish? "" ""Sure"" says the other man ""Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"" ""Ok I will"" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie ap…

Three men were married to girls from different parts of the world. The first man married a girl from Sweden. He told her that she must do the housework. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see the house clean. The second man married a girl from Thailand. He told her that she must do the housework and have his dinner fixed promptly at 6pm every day. On the first and second days, he didn't see any results, but on the third day he came home and found his dinner on the ta…

Stranded unfortunately... 3 men survive a plane crash in the ocean and wash up on a random remote island. They are soon captured by the local natives who tie them up and keep them captive. After a few days of being tied up, the are brought in front of The Chief. The Chief informs them that they're to go out into the jungle and find 10 pieces of the exact same fruit and bring them back here for judgement. If they fail the judgement then they will be eaten! The Chief also informs that if they try …

2 men and their thirst for extreme! 2 men are standing on the ledge of a cliff... One man has a Budgie on his shoulder and the other has a parrot on his shoulder and a gun attached to his hip. The first man with the Budgie, jumps off the cliff and as he falls the Budgie immediately flies away. The man plunges to the ground, miraculously he survives but he is no doubt crippled. The second man with the Parrot and the gun, now jump off the cliff and as he falls the Parrot flies away but the man qui…