Two people were standing in line at the movie theater... This guy was standing in line at a theatre when the guy standing behind him started to knees and massage his shoulders and he turned around and said, ""what the hell are you doing?"" The other man replied, ""I am a masseuser and I need to practice my craft."" The first man said, ""yeah? Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me f'king the guy in front of me, do you?""

A survey company interviews 3 Christians and asks them about their daily routine. The first man says ""Well, I wake up and kiss my beautiful wife and thank Jesus for this lovely day. Then I go to church if I am in the mood. If I'm not in the mood, I watch gospel TV."" The interviewer says: ""But I thought Christians had to go to church every Sunday."" ""Well,"" replies the man, ""My pastor never told me that."" The second man says: ""I wake up and eat a delicious breakfast, but not before saying…

A young man dies and goes to Heaven, where he finds he is third in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is taking a much-needed break, so an angel is admitting the newly arrived to Heaven. The angel tells the three new arrivals that because so many drug dealers and other criminals have managed to sneak into Heaven that St. Peter must now be a little stricter with the screening process. Each person is required to state his former occupation and tell his or her yearly salary. The first man in line …

Two men walk into a bar. . . They look to the left and see a doctor, a lawyer and a rabbi. They look to the center and see a farmer, a pastor and a cow. To the right they see a genie, a salesman and a judge. The first man turns to his friend and says "Lets get out of here. This place is a god damn joke."