Facebook Jokes

I mistook the Facebook status box for Google search, and now I don't have to go to family functions any more.

Had a most interesting conversation this weekend with Jet Li and Conan O'Brian during a private flight back from Morocco about how pathetic it is when average people get on Facebook & pretend that their lives are far more exciting than they actually are.

I've decided I'm not going to have kids. I love babies, but I'm just not ready for the commitment of uploading that many photos to Facebook.

My Facebook movie is okay, but the book was better.

Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.

Females on Facebook suffer in silence louder than anyone I've ever met in my life.

Making popcorn for these Facebook movies.

You should be able to pick a theme for your Facebook movie... Because some of you should need to pick drama...

I take the time every night to read Facebook statuses to my children as part of my stay in school campaign.

Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt, people writing on walls and worshiping cats.

What if you get to heaven and God is like ""Nah bra you can't get in. Remember when you saw my picture on Facebook and you kept scrolling?""

If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don't try and out clever me with your comment. I don't come over and blow out your candles on your cake.

Cuddled up to my girlfriend last night, she said, ""Aw you finally chose me over Facebook!"" I just didn't have the heart to tell her my battery just died.

Interesting Factoid: Facebook causes you to overestimate how happy your friends are, and therefore might make you more depressed!

Quit criticizing the girls that take slutty pics and put them on Facebook! I like looking at them you homo!

My wife was absolutely furious when she discovered I had un-tagged myself from some photos she put on Facebook. I said, ""They were really embarrassing!"" ""Embarrassing???"" She screamed, ""It was our f*cking wedding day you b@stard!""

I am conducting a survey to see who is the most awesome person on Facebook. To find out who it is read the first two words of this status.

Facebook has become the girlfriend you no longer like but are scared to dump

If I can make you laugh with a Facebook Status... Imagine what I could do if we met at a bar.

Facebook, where people can pretend to be everything they really aren't to the friends they really don't have.

When my girlfriend caught me cheating I told her I got HACKED but she didn't believe me. I guess that only works on Facebook.

Why isn't ""cheating"" a relationship status on Facebook?

Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.

Facebook is still the best way to keep in touch with people you don't want to keep in touch with.

If girls were as nice to each other in real life as they are in Facebook comments, think how different the world would be.