Facebook Jokes

Please Turn Off The Computer Dad's writes on son's facebook wall: Dear Son, how are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please turn off the computer and come down for dinner.

Dad, i am going to marry Daughter: ""Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in the UK . We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber. Dad, I need your blessings and good wishes."" Father: ""Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through Paypal. And if you are fed up with you…

Why would anyone still use traditional sms text messages when you can just use WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger etc. for free? It's not about the money. It's about sending a message!

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store.. (currently circulating on facebook) A balding, white haired man from Sherman Oaks in California, walked into a jewelry store in a local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.' At that statement, the jewe…

Facebook in real life So I have been trying to make friends outside of Facebook and thought I would try applying the same practices. Today I go outside my building and just start walking down the street. As I pass by people I let them know what I had to eat, how I feel right now, what I did last night, what I will do later etc... I thought it would be interesting to hand out pictures of my family, my dog and me doing some of my favorite things. If they were talking I would stop to listen to thei…

My own social media I haven't got a computer, but I was told about Facebook and Twitter and am trying to make friends outside Facebook and Twitter while applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passers by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do fort he rest of the day. I give them pictures of my wife, my daughter, my dog and me gardening and on holiday, spending time by the pool. I also listen to their conversations, tel…

Scrolling down on facebook, my mom gets pissed by this guy's constant posts... ""This guy is so annoying, look at all the things I'm seeing that he's shared and posted!"" she said. So I just looked at her screen for a second and told her: ""Get off his profile page mom...""

One thing I like about Facebook... It's my space.

A colorblind person logged onto Facebook the day SCOTUS legalized gay marriage... ""Hey everyone, why are you all advertising for '50 Shades of Grey'?""

A tree on facebook The tree got upset because of a meme someone made of him and instead of deactivating his account,.....he logged out!

Compilation Why are pakis bad soccer players? Everytime they get a corner, they open a store. How do you stop a paki war-tank? Shoot the guys pushing it. What do you do if you run over a paki? Reverse. Recent reports have indicated that the Facebook ALS Ice Bucket Challenge has been a great success in the UK. Apparently over 10,000 pakis have now had a bath. Fifteen skinheads chased a Pakistani into a shop and proceed to kick seven flavours of shit out of him. Eventually, the police arriv…

Facebook is getting out of hand With all the mass debating going on

Colorblind people are wondering why everyone on Facebook is celebrating Fifty Shades of Grey

Post this on your Facebook then count your programmer friends. My phone is broken, please send me message on my Facebook or my Gmail.

Apparently Facebook has been flying drones around in third world countries They are trying to kill everyone who isn't on facebook

What did Drake Bell say to Batman? Sorry, still calling you Bruce! I found this on Facebook somewhere; I dunno who to get credit to.

Why did voldermort used Twitter instead of Facebook? Because he only had followers. Not friends.

Face and Ass... Jack has two puppies named - ""Face"" and ""Ass"". One fine days Jacks friend Jules comes to visit him and pleads Jack to give him one of them.. ""Okay, you may take Ass with you."" to which Jules replies ""No, I dont want a dog with such a name, please give me Face"". Jack agrees and takes Face along with him. A few months go by and Jack is really missing his dog..Having recently learned to use Facebook, Jack turns to it to express his feelings.. ""@Jules: Whenever I look at my …

Saw someone post this on Facebook. Got a kick out of it. This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like,…

Thank you Facebook, I can now farm without going outside, cook without being in my kitchen, feed fish I don't have & waste an entire day without having a life.

Nobody I'll change my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts,and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this

I can't wish my mom a Happy Mothers Day because she doesn't have Facebook. \_()_/

The funniest review I've read thus far: ""Wife Divorced me."" by Realmhoild - Apr 14, 2015 ""Well, this app is amazing, I spent at least 18 hours a day on this app. Who needs sleep when you have Facebook, my wife may be getting mad that I no longer pay attention to her, but Facebook is all I need. Soon after downloading this app my wife never ceases her complaining. ""Honey I'm cold, come cuddle with me."" She would say, it got annoying after the first time so I raised my hand to her and back ha…

Dying Old man A dying Old man, wanna say good bye to his grand child. Granpa: my dear, before I go, I wanted to give u all my land, farms, and plants. Please take care of 'em... Grankid: (tear in his eyes) Please dont go granpa, where are they? Granpa: They're in my facebook account, Farmville. The user and password are in the table.. (and he passed away) Grankid: NOOOOOOO

A friend walks into old Jacks house.. Jacks wife is throwing the plates, wrecking the house and yelling for divorce. ""What Happened?"" asks his friend. ""Nothing much"" says old Jack. ""She got all dressed up today and asked me to click her picture and post it on Facebook, I couldn't find my glasses, she couldn't wait for the likes and It went up ebay instead!""