Facebook Jokes

My boss asked if I had Facebook and I said sure and gave up the link. Then she asked about twitter. After an awkward silence I said, huh?

i'm fat but at least i'm not "my facebook profile picture is a pokemon" fat

I'm disappointed *The Social Network* movie about Facebook didn't have an epic Farmville scene.

Breaking: New torture report reveals CIA use of Facebook Year In Review videos.

whenever I see "likes her own status" on facebook, a little bit of me dies and becomes a horcrux.

"On this episode of 60 Minutes, we'll talk to a woman who had a baby but did not change her Facebook profile picture to a photo of it..."

The longer a Facebook photo of someone's kid goes unliked, the stronger I become.

Facebook needs an "I've already seen this on Twitter" button.

If ignorance is bliss then explain Facebook.

People accept that God exists & created the universe without evidence or proof but if you tell them Facebook is down they immediately check.

I don't think this girl on Facebook will "survive" the 2nd day of her diet.. I'll keep you posted.

*Does something bad* Mom: *tells the entire family, tweets, posts on Facebook, blogs, tells people in china*

If this tweet gets 5 retweets, I will threaten a public official on Facebook.

If you have 3 tweets in a row that say what you're cooking, what song you're listening to, and what your mood is... just go back to Facebook.

Dandruff. Plastic bags. Dish soap --> things more interesting than my friends' Facebook updates

Studying abroad: Spending months in another country. Studying a broad: Spending months Facebook stalking Ashley.

Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.

Mary on Facebook says this generation is way to reliant on technology... She then sent me 7 Candy Crush invites

If a Facebook video says "you won't believe what happens next" then I replace "believe" with "care"

I'm starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...

I'm starting to think people are having babies solely for the Facebook likes.

One time my teacher was telling a story about war and the girl in front of me slowly opened her laptop and liked Downy on Facebook.

When people post sad things on Facebook I just want to hug them and whisper softly in their ears, "no one cares."

Doctors in Zurich, Switzerland, in a 14-hour operation, successfully separated the conjoined Facebook account of a husband and wife.

Just once I want to see a new parent post a baby photo on Facebook with the words: "Still not sure if we like it, tbh."