Facebook Jokes

Thanks for declaring on Facebook that you've found "true love." I look forward to watching it implode in real time.

I want to create a Facebook event called "Shut The Hell Up" and invite everybody.

No thanks Facebook Live, if I wanted to see people doing stupid things in real time I'd just go visit my family.

banned from the horse lovers facebook page again for unloading a litany of ableist slurs on photo of a shetland pony

Facebook has made me hate birthdays more than funerals.

With all those 'thoughts and prayers' on Facebook it's amazing people are *still* dying.

My social outings consist of the "maybe attending" events I never attend on Facebook.

What'd be worse? Zombie apocalypse or Facebook shutting down and 500 million retards all of sudden using twitter?

If you post a pic of the temperature in your car on Facebook the University of Phoenix will email you a Meteorology degree.

If you are following Facebook on Twitter, you have reached a new level of retarded.

I just got a Facebook invite to my brother's non-alcoholic Mormon wedding. I dunno which part of that sentence makes me want to cry more.

Carol from Facebook said she's "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That's how days work."

Remember when we were all like "FACEBOOK MOVIE WITH JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE?!'

Dear High School Reunions, You are now obsolete. Please contact facebook with any questions.

What genius named it a "news feed" on Facebook and not "bullshit"?!

Please pray for my friends' 4-year-old. They found out today 7 minutes of his life wasn't photographed or videotaped and put on Facebook.

Deactivating your Facebook account is the new black friend.

People with profile pictures of their kids. Stop it. All I can think is, why are these toddlers trying to add me on facebook?

Jocelyn from Facebook will unfriend you if you give her a Blockbuster gift card for her stupid baby shower. I know that now.

Facebook tells me those vans are dangerous, but Twitter says they have candy. So conflicted.

Samantha from Facebook wants everyone to know she & her family are going on a cruise next week just in case you want to break into her house

just Facebook stalked the sister of the new boyfriend of the last girl who dated my ex. I'm just as confused as you are

when I see a Facebook relationship status 'it's complicated' I imagine love through wormholes over tens of thousands of years, alien biology

What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.

My family said if I don't get a Facebook, they'd all get a Twitter I sacrificed myself for all of twitter kind I'm the Jesus of social media