Facebook Jokes

I only have Facebook to keep track of where everyone I know is going to be, so I don't show up there.

Is anybody else having trouble logging into my wife's Facebook account?

I saw your link on Facebook. What happened next will blow your mind.......I didn't open it.

Meanwhile, in Facebook, Greta, who dislikes the gays, is about to get a big surprise from her son and his "roommate" of 20 years.

Thanks 'the news', but I get my political info from the Facebook posts of crazy relatives and people I haven't seen since high school.

I bet Islamic women have a hard time tagging their girlfriends on Facebook.

While Twitter is the slutty wife we all share, Facebook has become the humorless mother-in-law we all endure.

Before Facebook, I had told maybe six people "Happy Birthday," ever.

Sorry I missed your facebook event, I was super busy not considering you a friend.

Hey, Facebook. Dead people can't read your RIP shoutouts, because death.

The only people I know I'm superior to are the ones who announce the break they're taking from Facebook.

Currently using my daughter's iTouch to read your tweets. Also, reading her emails and writing shit on her Facebook page.

*goes to the gym* *takes a selfie & posts it on Facebook for the wife to see* *hurries to the bar*

I don't know if you really meant to Like Ebola on Facebook, 8,000 people

My mom's favorite internet game is "Log me into the Facebook. Is this the Facebook? Is that your brother? Why is he drinking upside down?"

About delete my Facebook account, I hope Stacey and Heather from the 3rd grade can handle the rejection.

I like my Facebook messages like my Fast & Furious movies: unseen.

I ate a banana so big that my Facebook relationship status automatically changed from "Married" to "It's Complicated."

I swear I change my mind about this election every time I open up facebook. My high school friends are political geniuses!

I bet girls on facebook with the duck faces look for men that make a lot of bread.

Best thing I've seen on Facebook all day: "I thought Ariana Grande was a font."

What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone's life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?

I paid $200,000 for an English degree and my coworker just asked me to proofread her Facebook status.

Post that you're pregnant on facebook: 88 likes and 31 comments. Tweet that you're pregnant on twitter: 2 stars and 491 unfollows

You're not impressing anyone, people who put a comma before the person's name when wishing them a happy birthday on Facebook