Facebook Jokes

What kind of emotional tailspin causes people to "like" Lysol on Facebook?

Now's a good time to change your facebook name to "Nobody," so when you click like on ignorant statuses it says, "Nobody likes this."

If cancer is ever cured it'll probably be because of the people who liked all of the Facebook statuses that are against cancer.

Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart

Nothing like an old high school crush finding you & friending you on Facebook because he needs cows or some shit for Farmville.

The best thing about Facebook is learning about all the 19-year-olds that miss the 80s.

*logs on Facebook IT'S YOUR OLD HIGH SCHOOL BULLY'S BIRTHDAY TODAY! *logs off WAIT COME BACK! YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT YOUR EX'S ENGAGEMENT!

If you took the Facebook IQ Test and it determined you're a Genius, the fact that you participated in a Facebook test negates the results.

BREAKING NEWS ON FACEBOOK! Pam wants everyone to know what a great husband Don has been these last 8 years & for making her so very happy!

Remember don't judge, you never know what another person is going through Unless they're constantly oversharing on Facebook, then go ahead

Spice up your Facebook timeline when someone's status turns to "It's complicated" by posting "thanks for last night" underneath it.

If you send more than one Facebook invitation to the same thing, I will come & shit right in the middle of whatever it is.

wife on facebook: homework with 9, he's doing so well! wife to me: it took him 8 tries to spell cake. CAKE. grab some wine on your way home

Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?

you don't need to thank everyone on facebook for your birthday messages, they were not sincere.

New Facebook technology can identify faces with 97.25% accuracy, and then ask you if you want to tag that statue in the background.

While Facebook was down I walked up to coworkers & just said 'unfriend' or 'like' & walked away then poked 17 people before I got arrested.

Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.

Just once can we make someone regret inviting 10,000 people to their Facebook event.

"I hope she got fat, I hope she got fat" - me looking up an ex girlfriend on Facebook.

The only reason to have a second kid is if your first one doesn't get a lot of likes on Facebook.

"It's cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I'm so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don't have to go to Facebook today. You're welcome.

The rest of the world uses Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. I just learned some girl I hated in high school likes her new pedicure.

1. have a child 2. never mention it on facebook 3. dress it in old-timey clothes and have it stand in the background of all your photos

I'm texting random phone numbers with "I just saw your Facebook Status. LOL"!