Facebook Jokes

I have so much more fun on Twitter than Facebook, because love from strangers is always more exciting.

Shout out to Debra on Facebook for saving lives by letting everyone know that the snow is slippery.

My go-to office prank is to sneak onto someone's unattended Facebook page and post "I'm undecided, which should I get, iPhone or Android?"

If laughter is the best medicine, then most facebook status updates are Herpes, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis and Syphilis all rolled into one.

To be honest, I'm not going to be completely happy until Facebook implements a 'I Wish You Were Dead' button.

When Facebook goes down, everyone comes to Twitter to talk about it. When Twitter goes down, the world falls mute.

Facebook definitely needs to change their name. Pretty sure books aren't supposed to make you dumber.

Lauren on Facebook asks: "What's the best way to ward off ghosts?" To which I replied: "a camera."

"I'm a social activist. No seriously. I just changed my profile picture to a rainbow." -everyone on Facebook

One fun way to describe Facebook is "imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart."

The problem was that everyone was poking my ex on Facebook. And in my bed And on my couch And in my car And when I was at work

Facebook: You have more friends on Facebook than you think. Me: You have higher expectations than you think.

If anyone needs me, I'll be over at facebook, actin' creepy.

I just Facebook Unfriended someone on their birthday. #TrueGrit

Someone needs to open a bar called "The Gym". Then I too can be annoying on Facebook by posting how I'm always at the gym.

i'm the kind of person who would pretend i don't know your name but actually know what you been up to for the past 5 years per facebook.

We're going to build a great wall to keep the inspirational tweets out. And Facebook is going to pay for it. Make Twitter Great Again.

I need an ex-boyfriend so I have something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.

I get it grandma. I'm not sure what to do on Facebook either.

Thought about helping an old lady across the street but she prob doesnt have Facebook & wont make a post about it that goes viral so no thx

Like a recovering crack addict, my computer is broken & I can only use others in small doses. A little facebook goes a long way. *twitch*

I clicked "Going" on a Facebook event last week but now I feel like staying in... *masked tough guys throw me in a van* "You committed, pal"

Twitter makes me want to have drinks with people I've never met, and Facebook makes me want to throw drinks at people I already know.

Someone just posted an article on Facebook and said "file this under sad." WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE FILING EVERYTHING

Apparently on Facebook you can "like" that someone "liked" something. I just liked the movie "Inception", and now we wait.