Facebook Jokes

It's easier to travel back in time and stop yourself from being born than it is to delete your Facebook account.

When I was 12 I ate a bee to impress a girl, and she just sent me a friend request on Facebook. So, mission accomplished.

Whew, good thing there's a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we'd be in real trouble.

My "I'm enraged!" status update on Facebook garnered a lot of congratulations from people who don't read well.

About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.

WIFE: omg Will Smith's son, Jaden, is dead ME: where'd you see that? W: Facebook M: I'm pretty sure that's a hoax W: no Facebook is real

Being popular on Facebook is like being the smartest kid in summer school.

mad props to my friends from high school who are successfully balancing raising a baby and constantly posting someecards on facebook

Seriously you guys, the only reason to check Facebook, is to find out where people are going, and then go somewhere else.

Replacing facebook with Twitter is a bit like replacing caffeine with heroin

Facebook tells me today is "National Winnie the Pooh Day" ... I hope they're ok with me just wearing a red t-shirt & no pants to the office

Becky on Facebook is having a bad hair day and wonders if anything will ever go right. Be strong Becky, be strong. Also shut up.

Leaving Twitter for Facebook is like leaving the bar to go home.

This chic on Facebook said she ran 17 miles yesterday. Where I live the police would have gave up after like, IDK, 6 miles maybe.

I'd say I avoid Facebook like the plague, but I don't do much to avoid the plague.

Facebook should have a I Don't Give a Shit option next to the Also Block iRL option next to the Would u Like to Send a Nuclear Bomb option.

Wife just changed her Facebook status to "It's complicated." Better go see what she wants.

So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.

If we could harness the fake enthusiasm put towards wishing people a happy birthday on Facebook, we could power half the planet.

I'm afraid of Spotify ruining music the way Facebook ruined friends.

Joint Facebook accounts are the couples sitting on the same side of the booth of the internet.

sorry ladies, just changed my Facebook relationship status from "Single" to "Costco Member"

That's it, teachers. Keep gloating on Facebook about your snow day. You'll see my kids tomorrow after their breakfast of Coke & Pixy Stix.

I can remember just 10 years ago, I had no idea what to do with all the pictures I took of my lunch. Thanks, Facebook!

Jill on Facebook is trying to find a way to get cat diarrhea out of suede boots and I don't think I'm hungry for lunch anymore. .