My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.

Girl confesses she met a guy online and asks for her dads blessings. Girl: Dad! I am in love with a boy who lives far away from me. I am in the United States and he lives in the United Kingdom. We met on a dating website, became good friends on FaceBook, had long chats on WhatsApp, he proposed to me on Skype, and now two months of relationship through Viber, I need your blessings and good wishes. Dad: You know we are in the days of technology, where things are now done electronically so I think …

Don't feel like going to the gym? Go to all your ex's facebook pages and see who they're dating now. Then go to the gym.

Facebook: Hey remember this pic of your dog that died? Me: Damnit Facebook not now. FB: Sorry... FB: Your ex girlfriend is getting married.