From an old National Lampoon record A guy walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm. The comedian comes out for his first act of the evening and says, a guy walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm. The comedian comes out for his second act of the evening and says, a guy walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm. Just then, a guy in the audience says, I think I've heard this before. The comedian says, maybe you caught my first act. The man says, not lik…

Somebody keyed my car.. They wrote ""Cheater"" and ""pig"" everywhere. I asked my girlfriend if she did it, and she said no. I don't know why anyone would write such a thing. I'll ask my wife when I get home tonight.

The Frog & The Engineer An engineer was taking a walk when a frog spoke to him and said, ""If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."" He picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke again and said, ""If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I'll become your girlfriend."" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. The frog spoke again and said, ""If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll …

Dad, i am going to marry Daughter: ""Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in the UK . We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber. Dad, I need your blessings and good wishes."" Father: ""Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through Paypal. And if you are fed up with you…