One day a boy... One day a boy walked into his dads room. The dad was holding something. The little boy then asked ""what is that daddy? Well that is my car. Oh ok. So the boy left. After 13 years later the boy is now 18 and his name is jimmy. So jimmy and his friends were on a cruse ship and he had his dads car and he put a wedding ring in the passenger seat of the toy. He was planning to propose to his girlfriend, Rachel. So they went to the front of the ship and where doing the titanic thing …

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable. Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty! Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume. I am sicking and entry-level position. It's best for employers that I not work with people. Here are my qualifications for you to overlook. I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated. If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in…

Facebook: Hey remember this pic of your dog that died? Me: Damnit Facebook not now. FB: Sorry... FB: Your ex girlfriend is getting married.

Me: Janet's boyfriend reminds me of Gandhi Wife: He looks nothing like him Janet's bf: [tapping on car window] Don't forget about Gandhi