Facebook Jokes

She wants to share a Facebook account? Run.

After reading your recent updates, I'm surprised that Facebook hasn't yet asked you, ""Whatever's on your mind, could you keep it to yourself?""

I think people get married just to get Likes' on Facebook.

Miracles do happen even on Facebook and Twitter. Come Sunday and suddenly everyone becomes a preacher.

I'm going to change my name to Benefits' Now when you add me on Facebook it will say ""You are now friends with benefits.""

Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks me what I'm doing. 4square asks me where I am. Conclusion: the Internet is my girlfriend.

Facebook, where a bathroom shot of a duckface is considered hot'

Well, it's easy to tell I'm married. It's Friday night and I'm at home updating my facebook status...

Facebook keeps asking me, ""What's on your mind?"", it's like dating someone with low self-esteem.

Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.

Parent: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.

I changed my last name on Facebook to ""dis"", so I can start disliking the stupid stuff people post

I am giving up a few negative people for lent. So, if you call, text, Facebook or email and I don't get to back to you?? Odds are it was you.

I had a near-life experience...I nearly quit Facebook.

I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it

A bad picture of you, and your automatic response is... ""Don't put that on Facebook!""

Privacy is very important to me. That is why I only share sensitive information with my closest 480 friends on Facebook.

Facebook would be way cooler if it was on TV. : ""In other news Brian's ex-girlfriend is still a cold, heartless b!tch. Details at 11"".

Don't you just hate it when the person you're Facebook-stalking never updates anything.

Facebook needs to add ""still banging my ex"" as a relationship status option

If Facebook really wanted to entertain us, they'd make it a requirement for people to share their ""mental status"" in addition to each new status update.

Knock, knock. Honey, have you finished taking pictures of yourself for facebook? Daddy needs to take a sh!t..

""You're beautiful. No, you're beautiful! No, No, you're Beautiful. No No No. You're beautiful."" -Girls on Facebook Profile Pictures

Getting really tired of you emotional women on Facebook. Stick some cotton in your crotch, eat a tub of ice cream, curl up to your body pillow, STFU and go to sleep

I've never met a group of people more worried about their ""privacy"" than the people on Facebook that share EVERYTHING about themselves.