Engineer Jokes

How we know that God is not an engineer When designing the human body, an engineer would not run a sewer line through a recreational area.

So, tensions with Russia flair up... ... And the Cold War reignites. With both the USA and Russia standing on the brink of total nuclear annihilation, the leaders decide to meet. Both agree that nothing on earth is worth an apocalypse, so they decide to end things once and for all; with a winner-takes-all dogfight. Both sides have 5 years to breed a dog, and on the set date of the fight, a single uncontested world power will emerge. The Russians immediately find the biggest and meanest Rottweile…

An engineer was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle when he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop. He went to him & said.. ""Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and put them back""...So why do I get such a small salary? and you get huge sums. The doctor smiled at the engineer and came close to his ear and said.... ""Try the same when the engine is running' The engineer smiled back came close to doctors ear and said 'I can pick any dead engine and…

It annoys me that Engineering students call themselves engineers.. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors, or art students calling themselves unemployed.

Behind every engineer in jail.... Is an Architect.

The oldest profession found There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession. The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib. This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world. The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most ce…

While walking home from the gym... I saw one of my aerospace engineer buddies at Starbucks. He was buried in his work when I walked next to him and asked, ""bruh, do you even lift?""

A mathematician and engineer walk into a bar and see a beautiful woman They are both told that every ten seconds they could move halfway the distance from the beautiful girl. The mathematician runs away crying. When he was asked why he ran away, he said, ""Well, if I keep on moving up half the distance, I'll never get to zero. I'd never get to her!"" The engineer got to the beautiful girl, though. When asked why he didn't run away, he said, ""Well, if I move up halfway the distance every ten sec…

Highway to Hawaii One day a man came across a magic lamp. Naturally, the man rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared. The genie gave the man one wish. Not wanting to waste the wish the man thought about it for awhile and decided he wanted the genie to build a highway to Hawaii, as he wanted to visit there, but was deathly afraid of flying. The genie immediately laughed and said no. ""That is insane!"" The genie exclaimed, ""The amount of engineering design to account for ocean currents and weather …

Smart blonde joke Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, ""I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."" They th…

A car with 3 engineers and 1 computer scientist stalls on the freeway... The mechanical engineer says: ""lets check the carborator, it's probably the carborator"" The chemical engineer says: ""its most likely the gas line, lets check that"" The electrical engineer says: ""no, it has to be the car's circuts"" The computer scientist thinks for a minute and says: ""lets all get out of the car and get back in""

An engineer, a chemist, and a linguist are in a boat... They've been lost at sea for 3 months. Rations have been entirely exhausted and all they have left is a cigarette for each of them, but they've used all of their matches. The engineer begins rubbing two pieces of driftwood together, vainly attempting to create a small flame, but with no luck. The chemist looks through the medical supplies, hoping he can combine things to make a strong enough exothermic reaction to make a fire. Suddenly, the…

An engineer has girlfriend but she lives in other nation ...... .......& that nation is ""Imagination""

The Glue Truck A truck owned by a commercial glue company is driving through London when it accidentally collides with a lamp post, causing it to swerve out of control and flip on its side. During this collision, the tank holding the glue explodes and 1000kg of glue falls upon a poor pedestrian. He's firmly stuck to the road. A crowd gathers around the helpless pedestrian, all wanting a look at the man and thinking about how to help him, although he's in a sticky situation that looks quite inesc…

How can you tell you are dealing with an extroverted engineer? He's staring at somebody else's shoes.

A Programmer's Story As an undergraduate, I was a Double E major. I studied physics, quantum mechanics, and Maxwell's equations! I designed circuits! Hah! But does anyone call me Pierre the Electrical Engineer? NO! As a master's student, I studied mathematics. I learned and proved many beautiful theorems! I broke new ground with my professors! Hah! But does anyone call me Pierre the mathematician? NO! BUT WRITE ONE LITTLE PROGRAM!

Electrical Engineering Joke We were interviewing an Electrical Engineer for a position. During the interview he mentioned that he currently lives on a boat down in the harbor. He tells us he even has a little lab set up for soldering and testing boards. I asked him: ""So does that mean all your grounds are floating?""

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to …

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, ""I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."" They throw the switch and …

A big-city lawyer was represen... A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pull…

A mathematician, an engineer, and a statistician are hunting deer... Hiding behind a fallen tree, they see a buck at the other end of the field. The mathematician takes out his rifle, aims, and fires. The bullet misses twenty feet to the left. The engineer takes out her rifle, aims, adjusts for the wind, and fires. The bullet misses twenty feet to the right. The statistician yells ""We got 'em!!""

Four students are having a problem with their car... Four students are having a problem with their car and are forced to stop on the side of the road. ""The ignition is damaged"" says the electrical engineer. ""The fuel pipe is clogged"" says the chemist. ""Engines is damaged"" says the engineer. ""Lets just get out of the car and get in again"" says the computer scientist.

What did the windmill say to the windmill engineer? I'm a big fan of your work

Heading to work this morning there was a car parked on the train tracks, with a bumper sticker that said ""Honk if you love Jesus!"" That train engineer must have REALLY loved Jesus.

The future is now An electrical engineer invented a new kind of transistor that uses tapioca instead of silicon. He called it the boba FET.