Engineer Jokes

Conjecture: All odd numbers are prime. Mathematician's Proof: 3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. By induction, all odd numbers are prime. Physicist's Proof: 3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is experimental error. 11 is prime. 13 is prime ... Engineer's Proof: 3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is prime. 11 is prime. 13 is prime ... Computer Scientists's Proof: 3 is prime. 3 is prime. 3 is prime. 3 is prime...

A biologist, a physicist, and an engineer are on a plane that crashes... ...and luckily they are washed up on a deserted island, along with several crates of canned food. However, no can opener washes up with them, and there is nothing sharp on the island, so the three scientists must figure out how to open the cans. The biologist sticks the can in the water, saying, ""The salt water should eat through the metal, allowing us to get to the food inside."" When this doesn't work, the physicist take…

An engineer in Hell An engineer dies and goes up to the Pearly Gates where St. Peter greets him. ""Come in, come in."" says Peter, ""We can always use another engineer."" But the engineer is not so sure he wants to go to Heaven. He is a builder and a doer and is afraid he will be bored. So he asks if he can have a look at Hell to see if he would like to go there instead. St. Peter says ""Sure, why not?"" and sends him down for a look. The engineer sees the fiery pits and the swamps and the heat …

How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama? If it had been invented anywhere else, it would be called a teethbrush. What's the latest invention to come out of the UA engineering program? A solar-powered flashlight. How can you tell if someone's a UA graduate? Look at the ring while they're picking their nose. Why are criminals so hard to catch in Alabama? Everyone has the same DNA. What does an Alabaman call a six-pack and a dead possum? A seven-course meal. Since state jokes seem to …

The train ride to the engineering and math convention A math/engineering convention was being held. On the train to the convention, there were a bunch of math majors and a bunch of engineering majors. Each of the math majors had his/her train ticket. The group of engineers had only ONE ticket for all of them. The math majors started laughing and snickering. Then, one of the engineers said ""here comes the conductor"" and then all of the engineers went into the bathroom. The math majors were puzz…

A physicist, engineer, and statistician go hunting... After a long day of no luck, they are walking back dejectedly, rifles slung over their shoulders. Suddenly, they spot a deer in a clearing 150 feet away. ""I'll get him,"" the physicist says, doing some quick calculations and taking aim. BANG! The shot goes 10 feet long, but amazingly, the deer continues grazing. ""You idiot,"" the engineer says, ""you didn't account for gravity or drag!"" -- so he pulls out his notebook, does some quick calc…

3 engineers are arguing about what kind of engineer God is...... and the mechanical engineer says, ""Just look at the muscular system, all the fluid dynamics and joints. God was clearly a mechanical engineer."" To which the electrical engineer says. ""No, no, no, just look at the nervous system! The way impulses are sent all over the body and how the brain stores information; God was clearly an electrical engineer."" ""I'm sorry guys, God was a civil engineer. "" says the civil engineer. "" No o…

Cold War So at the height of the cold war, the US and the Soviet Union competed against each other during the Space Race. However, both countries were soon faced with a serious dilemma: how could astronauts write report in space, floating in zero-g? The Americans invested 100 million dollars into a research project that lasted for two years and monopolized the best and the brightest of the American scientists. They created a pen that could write in space, under extreme temperatures, under the se…

College Engineer So a Engineering student is studying outside when his colleague drives up in a shiny new motorcycle. ""Hey!"" says the college student, ""Where'd you get the motorcycle."" His colleague replied ""You know it was the strangest thing. I'm walking around town when suddenly a beautiful blonde girl in a black skin tight jumpsuit drives up on this motorcycle. She takes one look at me, tore off her leather jumpsuit (which was the only thing she was wearing) points to the motorcycle and…

Hot-Air Balloon A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,"" Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."" The woman below replied, ""You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."" ""You must be an engineer,"" said the bal…

Three guys are about to be executed. One's a lawyer, one's a priest, and one's an engineer. They bring out the lawyer first, put him under the guillotine, and pull the lever, but the blade gets stuck halfway down. The lawyer goes, ""Ah-ha! By pulling the lever, you have technically carried out the execution, which according to the sentence you can only do once. Trying again would constitute double jeopardy, which is unconstitutional. You have to let me go."" Intimidated by this, the executioner …

the fowled experiment scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. british engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. arrangements were made. but when the gun was fired, th…

Engineering student show up to his lab partner's house with a new bike... His partner says, ""wow.. that's a pretty nice bike you got there."" Engineering student says, ""yeah, I was outside my dorm last night when a co-ed rode up on it. She was really drunk. She threw the bike on the ground and took off all of her clothes and said 'you can have whatever you want.'"" Partner says, ""it's a good thing you chose the bike... I don't think the clothes would have fit you.""

An artist, architect, and engineer are at a bar... ...talking about having a wife vs. a mistress. The artist declares that he prefers a mistress because he finds them more spontaneous and exciting. The architect says, ""no, I much prefer a wife because I enjoy building that foundation with one woman and love the security that comes with marriage."" The engineer says, ""I prefer to have both and to spend equal time between the two of them... eventually, they both get used to you not being around …

Two engineering students and a bicycle... Two buddies in engineering school are walking around campus. One is pushing around a bicycle. The other says ""Hey, how did you get the new bike?"" His friend replies, ""Crazy thing happened the other day, I was walking back from class, when this beautiful blonde girl rode up to me on this bicycle, threw it down and ripped off all her clothes. She threw open her arms and screamed 'take anything you want!' So I took the bike."" The other goes ""Good choic…

Engineer in Hell An engineer dies and goes to hell. After a while, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in there and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, hell has air conditioning, flushing toilets, water fountains and escalators - making the engineer a pretty popular guy. One day God phones Satan up and asks with a sneer: ""Hey buddy, how's it goin down there in hell?"" Satan snickered back, ""Things are going great actually. We've got air conditioning,…

The problem majoring in Electrical Engineering... is keeping up with Current Events.

An artist, a baker and an engineer are in line to be beheaded... The artist goes first. They put his head in the guillotine and release the mechanism. It stops 3 inches short! The king decides that he'll be merciful and releases him! He's ecstatic! The baker is next. They put his head in the guillotine and release it. This time it stops 2 inches short. The king also decides he'll be merciful and releases him. Lastly, the engineer. They put his head in the guillotine and release it. It stops a ha…

A priest, an ophthalmologist, and an engineer were golfing one morning behind a particularly slow group of golfers The engineer fumed, ""What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"" The doctor chimed in, ""I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"" The priest said, ""Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."" He said, ""Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"" The greens keeper replied, ""O…

Engineer Joke A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, ""Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"" The man below says, ""Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field. "" ""You must be an engineer"", says the balloonist. ""I am"", replies the man. ""How did you know?"" ""Well"", says the balloonist, ""everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no …

Three engineering students were gathered... Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, ""It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."" Another said, ""No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."" The last one said, ""No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline adjacent to a recreational area?""

Engineers [Engineers](http://www.1976ad.com/2011/09/12/engineers) A math/engineering convention was being held. On the train to the convention, there were a bunch of math majors and a bunch of engineering majors. Each of the math majors had his/her train ticket. The group of engineers had only ONE ticket for all of them. The math majors started laughing and snickering. Then, one of the engineers said ""here comes the conductor"" and then all of the engineers went into the bathroom. The math majo…

A one-way trip to Mars NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn't return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. ""A million dollars,"" he answered, ""because I want to donate it to M.I.T."" The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. ""I want to give a million to my family,"" he explained, ""and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research…

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, ""Where did you get such a great bike?"" The second engineer replied, ""Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ""Take what you want."" The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, ""Good choice, The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.""

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to ""Please be gentle; I'm still a Virgin"".... ""What?"" said the puzzled groom. ""How can that be if you've been married ten times?"" ""Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. ""Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back…