Bono Jokes

A cyclist gets into an accident... As he's wheeled into the hospital, he looks to the bed next to him and sees Bono. His face lights up, and he asks, ""U2?""

A lawyer I know is a big fan of U2 He's pro Bono.

Why does Bono sing acapella when he's feeling down? It takes the edge off it

So you had the U2 album drop into your iTunes library without your permission? #firstworldproblems Meanwhile, people without food and water had Bono turn up to their yard in person. #thirdworldproblems

U2 sent their new album to every Apple device through the Cloud. I hear if you play the first song backwards you hear Bono saying ""Please buy our albums again. We're desperate.""

My favorite Robin Williams joke U2 is playing a concert in Scotland, and as a hush comes over the crowd, Bono starts clapping his hands above his head very slowly. As he claps, he tells the crowd, ""Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."" And a man stands up in the back of the room, and shouts ""Then stop clappin' your hands!"" Thanks, Robin.

Why didn't the skeleton make a good lawyer? All his work was pro bono.

What's the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't walk around Dublin thinking he's Bono

What's the difference between Bono and God? God doesn't walk around Dublin pretending he's Bono

Did you hear about the lawyer for U2? He was Pro-Bono

The Most Famous Man Who Ever Lived One day at primary school, the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 50 cents to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish lad put his hand up and said, "It's Bono!" The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put up his hand and said, "It's Sean Connery!" The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Harry, that's not right either." Finally, a little Jewish girl raised her hand and said…

U2 donated that album without charging, and we hate it. That's pro bono and anti-Bono at the same time.

A doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer are golfing... ... and they keep getting held up by a twosome in front of them. The two guys can't hit straight, take forever to find their balls, they are terrible, and no amount of yelling at them seems to help. Finally the greenskeeper comes around in his cart so they flag him down. The greenskeeper says, "Oh, those two guys are the firemen who rescued the orphans from the burning building last year! They are both blind and can't hear very we…

Rock'n'Roll Heaven Stevie Ray Vaughan dies in his helicopter crash and goes to heaven. He is escorted by Saint Peter to a special area reserved for famous dead rock musicians. He is very honoured as he sees that he is in the company of Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, John Lennon, Buddy Holly and dozens of other famous faces from the history of rock. Then he spies Bono preening in front of a mirror. "Hey wait a second," he says, "Bono's not dead!" Saint Peter replies, "Actually, that's God…

A plane runs out of gas mid flight... While flying over the mountains, a pilot realizes his plane doesn't have enough gas to make it to the nearest airport. The copilot goes to check on the parachutes, while the pilot explains the situation to the passengers- Abraham Lincoln, Bono, George bush and a little boy and girl. The copilot comes back and informs them that there are only 6 parachutes. The pilot says "I helped fly the plane, so I should get one." The pilot jumps out with a parachute. The…

Bono and the Edge walk into a bar. Bartender says, "Ugh, U2 again?"

Red neck vasectomy. Willey Jon had 12 kids and no money. His doctor saw him as a pro bono patient. Willey Jon didn't want any more kids and is wive Mavis was worn out. Doctor offered a vasectomy but Willey Jone didn't want that and asked it there was anything else he could do. The doctor thought for a brief moment and then opened a cabinet and took out a can of fireworks. He gave Willey Jon the can and a box of matches. He told Willey Jon to light the fuse on each cherry bomb count to 21 and…

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar The bartender sighs “ugh, not you two again…”

Bono asked for silence at a gig in Scotland... In the silence

Bono from U2 is the voice of my car's GPS It sucks. The streets have no names and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Bono and the Edge walk into a bar. Bartender says

Bono switched from Google to Bing But he still hasn't found what he's looking for

How does Bono spell ""color""? With or without ""u""

Why didn't Bono sell any wheat bread at his bakery?,"Cuz it's all rye, it's all rye it's all rye.

You guys hear that Bono fell off the stage at the big U2 concert last night? He got a little too close to the edge.