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Elvis Jokes

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Tatoos of Elvis A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh. The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says ""That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"" The guy says, ""I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh"". The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay. The tattoo artist makes a proposal,

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It's 1968. China and the Soviet Union are on the verge of open hostilities. And only the pope can intervene... Well, so thinks the president of the UN. See, he'd been up all night watching *The Shoes of the Fisherman*, and it was such a harrowing vision that he was determined that the pope, and only the pope, could broker a deal between two hostile nations. If you've not seen *The Shoes of the Fisherman*, it's a fine film with Anthony Quinn and there's international problems solved by the pope.

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In honor of the papal visit, I submit the worst, longest, most tortuous pope joke I know. It's 1969. China and the Soviet Union are on the brink of open hostilities. The war would kill us all. And only the pope can save the day. Well, so thinks Richard Nixon. See, he'd been up all night watching *The Shoes of the Fisherman*, and it was such a harrowing vision that he was determined that the pope, and only the pope, could broker a deal between two hostile nations. If you've not seen *The Shoes of

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A homeless man goes to a fortune teller... A homeless man who spends his days street performing on an old guitar for some loose change decides to spend the money on a fortune teller one day. The fortune teller tells the homeless man that she has good news and bad news for him. The homeless asks to hear the good news first. She begins to tell the man about his after-life. She tells him that he will meet Elvis and John Lennon in the after-life, and that the three of them together are going to be t

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