Barack Obama Jokes

Barack Obama walks into a Halloween Party with the First Lady on his shoulders... ...the doorman says, ""Excuse me Mr. President, but this is a Halloween party. Why aren't you dressed up?"" Obama says, ""I am dressed up! I'm a snail. I got Michelle on my back.""

No, he's higher up. Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack Obama meets a man with a beard. 'Are you Mohammed?' he asks.'No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up.' Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds. Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room where he meets another bearded man. He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?' 'Why no,' he answers, 'I am Moses; Mohammed…

Obama's California Wildfire meeting A mathematician, a physicist, and Barack Obama are discussing the best ways to prevent forest fires in California when a fire breaks out in their room. They're locked inside and must find a solution. The mathematician quickly calculates the amount of water needed to extinguish the fire in the most efficient manner. The physicist quickly notices a fire extinguisher in the room. Barack Obama insisted to cut out the oxygen in the room because he learned that in H…

Barack Obama got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked in the mirror and noticed that he was white from the neck to the top of his head. In a sheer panic and fearing he was turning white all over, he called his doctor and told him what had happened. The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately. After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Barack, and told him to drink it all. Barack drank the concoction and said, ""That tasted like bul…

Obama jokes for you! Q: What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens? A: Undocumented democrats. Q: Barack Obama is on a sinking ship, who gets saved? A: The Country! Q: What drink do you get with the McObama Happy Meal in Pakistan? A: No drink JUST ICE!

Obama Jokes The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate. --Jay Leno America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. --Jay Leno Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. --Conan O'Brien Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A: A fund raiser. --Jay Leno Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penite…

Plane flight Mit Romeny, Sarah Palin and Barack Obama are flying ont the same plane and chatting: Romney: - if I would drop 1000$ down it would make one person happy! Palin: - If I would drop 1000$ in 100$ bills I would make 10 people happy! Obama: - I would drop you both from the plane it would make whole nation happy.

Obama goes to hell Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him. ""I'm not sure what to do."" says the Devil. ""You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go."" ""I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves!"" Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so he agrees…

Obama The Dark Knight (2008) The Dark Knight Rises (2012) Congratulations, Barack Obama.

Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are both on a sinking ship... Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are both on a sinking ship; both of them are drowning. Who gets saved?!? The answer: AMERICA!!!

I asked Barack Obama if we could get together later, and he said Yes We Can!

Barack Obama met with the Queen of England. He asked her, ""Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"" ""Well,"" said the Queen, ""the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."" Obama frowned, and then asked, ""But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"" The Queen took a sip of tea. ""Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."" The Queen pushed a button on her inte…

You know the honeymoon is over when the comedians start. The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree...and think 25 to life would be appropriate. --Jay Leno America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. --Jay Leno Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. --Conan O'Brien Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A: A fund raiser. --Jay Leno Q: What's the differ…

The Queens Riddle Barack Obama met with the Queen of Great Britain. He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?" "Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a b…

The Russian President Vladimir Putin called Barack Obama with an emergency request “Mr President, we need help. Our largest condom factory has exploded,” the Russian President explained. “My people now have no method of birth control! This is a true disaster!” “Vladimir,” said Obama, “the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.” “We do need your help,” said Putin. “Could you possibly send one million condoms to tide us over?” “No problem, I’m on it,” sai…

Barack Obama was out jogging one day... When he tripped, and fell over a bridge railing and landed in the river below. Before secret service could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted in return for saving his life. The first kid said, "I want to go to Disney world!" To which Obama replied, "not a problem, I'll even fly you there in Air Force one." The second kid then says, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jord…

Two friends have a bet over who knows more people Two friends, Stephen and James, have an argument over who knows more people. Stephen says: "Well, that's a freebie - I'm bowling buddies with the mayor and know more than half of the town council, and I went to university with that one girl from that soap opera." James: "Yeah, but I bet you don't know the state government." Stephen: What? How would y-- nonsense, you don't know them, least of all the governor." James: "Let's drive to the state c…

President Obama walked into the bank to cash a check... As he approached the cashier he said, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?" Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Would you please show me your ID?" Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA!!!!" Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because o…

Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin were in a meeting Obama said, "Mr. Putin, the reason that I love my country is that a man can walk right into The White House and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running The United States of America.'" Putin responded, "That's true in Russia, too. Anyone can walk into the Kremlin and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running the United States of America.'"

God gathers the leaders of every nation to tell them that the world is going to end in a week, and that they must inform their countrymen and women. Shocked, the leaders return home wondering how to best break the news. The next day, they all hold press conferences. Barack Obama: "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that God exists, but the bad news is that the world will end in less than a week." Robert Mugabe: "I have only bad news. God exists and the world will end …

Barack Obama, the Pope, Hilary Clinton and a boy scout are on a plane... The plane is about to crash when they realize there are only 3 parachutes. The first passenger, President Obama said “I am the president of the United States, as much as it will haunt me for the rest of my life, I must insist I take a parachute. I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people and the strongest military in the world.” The others agree and the president grabs a bag and jumps out…

Giving the devil his due One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Obama…

Walking Eagle Barack Obama spoke for nearly an hour at the American Indian Convention, referring to the audience as his red brothers and red sisters. Obama promised the native Americans expanded job opportunity, improved living conditions and a higher standard of living. Although detail was vague or lacking, his speech was enthusiastic and eloquent. After his speech, the Tribal chief presented Obama with a large plaque bearing the inscription “WALKING EAGLE”. The tribal chief was later s…

Roses are red, violets are blue... Let's dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Barack Obama is undertaking a systematic effort to change this country, to make America more like the rest of the world. That's why he passed Obamacare and the stimulus and Dodd-Frank and the deal with Iran. It is a systematic effort to change America. When I'm president of the United States, we are going to re-embrace all the…

The 2016 Presidential Race is ending... It's the end of the 2016 presidential race and the people of the United States hated all the candidates so much that nobody voted. The government is in a panic trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea: a literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap around the White House and the person with the best time would become president. Bernie Sanders goes first, but be…